![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lotesseY'all, I had the most fucked-up dream EVER last night. Am hoping that writing it down my exorcise it; it managed to persist through an interval of wakefulness, and I really don't want it coming back tonight/
The first half was fucked up enough; I dreamed some sort of weird fantasy where things worked out with my Ex, and we were getting married, and everyone was super fucking happy about it, including me. My mother said something to his father like, "we don't have to worry about them do we," not asking but telling, and he was like yeah they'll be fine. And we partied like it was 1999, and then my Ex and I retired to ... I think maybe it was my parents' sailboat on its trailer in the driveway, getting ready for launch? Either way, we were sleeping together in a small space, joking with each other about sharing little teeny beds, reminiscing about the bed in my single dorm room that we actually did share for an entire year. We didn't have sex because I was drunk and tired from dancing all night, but everything was weirdly blissful.
I woke up from that one, looked over at my cat, told her that my head was SCREWED, and fell back asleep - I've been on an insomnia bender for the last five days, and was actively trying to stay asleep and catch myself up. And I fell back into the dream; it was the morning after, and he was gone. Not just gone from bed, but gone. And I was heart-broken. There was a long sequence of dreamtime in which I was too heartbroken to function, and everyone else was moving around me, talking about me, but I couldn't get my voice to work or my body to move. And then the dreamscape shifted - I was up in the maple tree by the kitchen windows, looking in and listening, and inside they were saying that he had died. And then I let go, let myself fall out of the tree, and the driveway had turned into Lake Michigan and I was sinking in the water, willing myself not to float, trying to let myself drown.
And then I woke up.
I'm NOT going to call him and make sure he's safe, I'm not I'm not I'm not. But I really want to.
The first half was fucked up enough; I dreamed some sort of weird fantasy where things worked out with my Ex, and we were getting married, and everyone was super fucking happy about it, including me. My mother said something to his father like, "we don't have to worry about them do we," not asking but telling, and he was like yeah they'll be fine. And we partied like it was 1999, and then my Ex and I retired to ... I think maybe it was my parents' sailboat on its trailer in the driveway, getting ready for launch? Either way, we were sleeping together in a small space, joking with each other about sharing little teeny beds, reminiscing about the bed in my single dorm room that we actually did share for an entire year. We didn't have sex because I was drunk and tired from dancing all night, but everything was weirdly blissful.
I woke up from that one, looked over at my cat, told her that my head was SCREWED, and fell back asleep - I've been on an insomnia bender for the last five days, and was actively trying to stay asleep and catch myself up. And I fell back into the dream; it was the morning after, and he was gone. Not just gone from bed, but gone. And I was heart-broken. There was a long sequence of dreamtime in which I was too heartbroken to function, and everyone else was moving around me, talking about me, but I couldn't get my voice to work or my body to move. And then the dreamscape shifted - I was up in the maple tree by the kitchen windows, looking in and listening, and inside they were saying that he had died. And then I let go, let myself fall out of the tree, and the driveway had turned into Lake Michigan and I was sinking in the water, willing myself not to float, trying to let myself drown.
And then I woke up.
I'm NOT going to call him and make sure he's safe, I'm not I'm not I'm not. But I really want to.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-26 10:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-26 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-26 04:45 pm (UTC)He is fine. Your subconscious needs a stern talking to.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-26 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-26 11:43 pm (UTC)I'm sorry, I think you should be dancing instead. Seriously. Listen to yourself. Please. Why do you not think you deserve better than this?