lotesse: (Default)
Mimnermos: The Brainsex Paintings (4198 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Kairos (O'Keefe) Series - Madeleine L'Engle
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Alex Murry/Kate Murry, Meg Murry/Calvin O'Keefe
Characters: Kate Murry, Alex Murry, Sandy Murry, Meg Murry | Meg O'Keefe, Calvin O'Keefe, Charles Wallace Murry
Additional Tags: post-A Wrinkle in Time, Reunion Sex, Married Couple, Feminist Themes, Loneliness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

It had given her such a turn, the night before, when Charles Wallace's unusual guest had talked of the tesseract. Would all the wonders of the universe turn out to be horrors? Nevertheless, she turned from her abandoned hopeless writing back to the electron microscope, deliberately shaking off her brooding reverie to watch the unfolding patterns of the little lives of the sub-microscopic world a while longer.

lotesse: (freedom)
Some alterations to your clothes and your brain (531 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Metropolis: The Chase Suite - Janelle Monae
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Anthony Greendown/Cindi Mayweather
Characters: Cindi Mayweather, Anthony Greendown
Additional Tags: Philosophy, Euclid

“Yeah, but,” Cindi said, and her eyes were big and depthless, “you could take it in one of two ways.”

Cindi had come back to him from the abyss, and she'd come back with a message.

lotesse: (jane eyre)
-fandom. I wrote Jane Eyre in space fic for yuletide, which was super fun.

As last year, I hope to pub more fic that just the single annual yt work this year; I am hopeful but not making promises. Currently being worked on are Kairos Series and Prydain fic; there's Star Wars OT, BSG classic, and Earthsea fic stubs that I could imaginably finish. We shall see.

-politics. Dealing with it. Still calling/writing people and yelling, bc why not.

-work. I'm getting ready to talk to my new boss (!) about where I'm going to fit in this operation going forward, and I'm excited and nervous and thoughtful about the change. I guess I didn't write here about everything that's gone down irt this job over the last few months -- it turns out that auntie M. hurt herself badly while surfing in Mexico, and I ended up covering for her for over a month while she recovered in hospital, all during the busiest time of the year for the industry. So I'm feeling pretty confident about my position -- these people owe me, big time, for stepping in and saving their bacon. Because of the place my aunt holds in the company, I've been corresponding daily with the CEO/founder, the new owner, and the other managing directors, so I'm coming in at the very top -- and I get the vibe that they really like me, and that they want to make a place for me. Politically speaking, I don't like the industry but am good with the particular individuals; I was at my aunt's house for the election, so I know she was commiserating with the other managing directors about Trump's win. They're nice. They gave me a bonus 50$ amazon gift card for Christmas.

I feel like I could do the work for a while. I like the schedule; the company runs 24/365 on an international clock, so you don't really get days off, but you also don't work for that much time at a go, and things can almost always be moved around with relative ease to clear at least 6 hrs' time. It's a good solution to the problem of emotional exhaustion I've struggled with in doing shift work; I can almost always take a break if I need to, and I don't mind working all the time if I can stop to look after myself without undue bother or embarrassment. tbh I am also very aware that, for my aunt at least, the gig was a great pairing with starting a family; it works well with baby-care and housekeeping schedules, and can be done anywhere with a functional internet connection. A big goal is going to be either getting out from under my aunt in chain of command, or finding ways to safeguard my position; she's a doll, but she's a messy one, and I don't want to be left holding the bag any more than need be.

-reading. It's been Middlemarch all the way down the last week or so; I think it's a reaction to changes in my personal and professional life, the same way it was when I was doing a lot with Middlemarch at the end of my graduate career. I find that the book gives me 2 important permissions/affirmations: that it is all right to lean in to change, and that it is all right to have complicated feelings about even positive changes. I've been feeling noticeably more gentle toward Lydgate this time around, for whatever reason, and more tired with Celia. I continue to find Will Ladislaw an excellent romantic lead, and think the critics are all trippin.

-personal stuff. The thing with D. is continuing to be both delightful and intense; I suppose this is what happens when serious people get together. I'm feeling increasingly comfortable throwing around language like "my boyfriend" in public, which is nice. Fam has been super supportive; my sib gave an official seal of approval over the holiday, and my ma's been doing this adorable nervous awkward attempted reassurance dance that's a bit awful but also basically encouraging.

D's been going through an adjustment, too, I think. My analysis at present is that he'd given up thinking much about his own life trajectory/wants as a result of picking up the main caretaker role for his family during and after his father's death last year, and is now at the place in the process where his self is naturally reasserting itself and its independence. I think he's been feeling very old; but the same way that he's a connection for me back to childhood, I'm being a connection for him, and the new relationship is also becoming the beginning of renewed forward motion. I've been trying to get him to daydream a bit about what he wants to do next, but also trying to maintain distance/not micromanage him; I don't think he wants it, and tbh I don't want to do it.

He's been fucking great about my residual trauma issues; we seem to do best if I'm verbally direct and clear about what's going on and what I need from him, and tbh I'm p. good at doing that, as long as I know that it's safe to admit weakness -- which it really, really has been. I had a full freak-out/flashback/panic attack a few weeks ago, and it was scary for a minute bc it was the moment when the extent of my damage became clear. But he read the links I sent him on CPTSD, and I think it's gonna be ok.
lotesse: (Default)
Looking back through my fic over the years - wow, that bit from Tolkien about eucatastrophe - "he waukened then and turned to her" - must've really struck a chord with me, cuz I stg i run some form of it in everything I write.
lotesse: (Default)
It’s January, and that means I can talk about my yuletide work! I’m so, so proud of myself for seeing this project through; and I’m so happy it’s not over yet. This is the longest fic I’ve written to date, and I never do series work, so it’s all pretty new and exciting. It’s felt really good to be back in the writing/posting saddle.

Wherein was bound a child (24996 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Dark Is Rising Sequence - Susan Cooper
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Bran Davies/Will Stanton, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Characters: Bran Davies (Dark Is Rising), Will Stanton, the Stanton family, Jen Evans, Alice Stanton, Barbara Stanton, Ensemble
Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon, Rivers, Memory, True Dreams, Celtic Mythology & Folklore, Family, Grief/Mourning, rescuing the inner child
Summary: It's the late 80s, and Bran Davies is more perturbed than he ought to be by the news that Mrs. Evans' youngest nephew, an English boy he used to play with as a kid, who like himself is now grown to young adulthood - and who he can barely remember, no matter how hard he tries - has gone missing from his home in Buckinghamshire.
lotesse: (Default)
patterns that i observe in my recent-ish creative output, not that there's been so very much of it:

two of the most successful stories I've ever written, until you cry: now you must try my greed and Loving in the war years, use the same two-part structure of surprising the characters initially with an id trope (prostitution, body transformation/size kink/semi-foeyay), having them freak out over it and pull apart to get shit figured out, and concluding with a confession-heavy reunion and tentative get-together sequence

I'm stalled at exactly the same point in my body of work around the Star Wars OT and the Chronicles of Prydain. I've previously completed shorter-but-still-elaborate fics (A bed of daysided gold, Airy cages quelled) that try to repair the cracks in the characters' relationships that I observe in the respective source texts; now I've got these two large WIPs that I've had going for literally years that try to work through those issues instead of undoing them. They're stories that I feel very serious about, enough that I've blocked myself in terms of actual execution

the two pieces I'm closest to finishing right now are both small three-part things teasing the nightmares out of their respective canons (Prydain and BSG 78); they are pretty but dark and bleak

i want to write all these tiny sentimental inconsequential feels-bits of stuff in the Vorkosiverse, and keep not letting myself; and i'm doing the same self-censorship with my work on Peter Pan, even though that's bigger, maybe even biggest

I notice i've been dropping caps in my orthography more often lately, and that i;m likely to do so in two noticeable contexts: when i'm making confessions, and when i'm using academese or moving around academic topics. in the first situation it's more like whispering, but in the second it's totally a typed-up version of vocal fry, deliberately feminized/infantilized refusal to use language without an edge of sarcasm. i seem to be experiencing teen rebellion a decade late via tumblr. i kind of love it?
lotesse: (sorrow)
Blind inexpiable things (437 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: River Tam/Simon Tam
Characters: River Tam, Simon Tam, Jayne Cobb
Additional Tags: Episode Related, Episode: s01e09 Ariel, Mental Health Issues, Keats
Summary: Digital vivisection. She doesn't want him to see. She doesn't want the bed, the cutting bed, to show him her damaged and needy spine.
lotesse: (bsg)
Weather is cray y'all! A foot of snow yesterday, bloody cold today, in the low forties by the weekend.

Getting back into the swing of things, with a new (and improved!) calendar number. Wrapping up 2013, here's my last story of the old year, for yuletide:

Kinky boots, or, first steps in the liberation of Lieutenant Sheba (1863 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica (1978)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Apollo/Starbuck, Athena/Boomer, Athena & Sheba, Sheba & Apollo
Characters: Lieutenant Starbuck, Captain Apollo, Lieutenant Sheba, Lieutenant Boomer, Lieutenant Bojay, Lieutenant Athena, Bree, Dietra, Lieutenant Jolly
Additional Tags: High Heels, Crossdressing, Forced Crossdressing, UST, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Gender Issues, Daddy Issues, Feminist Themes, Embarrassment
Summary: What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, even in space.

The only resolution I'm making this year - I never make resolutions, it's a self-love thing - is to try and get more words out. I'm having them all the time, but they get stuck in my fingers. Finishing is a consummation devoutly to be wished.sn
lotesse: (prydain_ship)
I've been trying to get my fanwriting mojo back, and, well - I have these two massive projects that I've been carrying around for a while now, and I'd like to see them come to something before starting up anything else sizeable. So I'm looking for betas, cheerleaders, interlocutors, whatever - people who would be interested in reading one of these two works in progress. Chat in comments here would be great - even having a strong sense that the pieces have an audience would be motivational, but if any of y'all are interested I would also love to take it to email.

(And there's also the potential that I might weird out a little; asking for interaction and particularly for help is really really hard for me, and I get spooked and shy and disconnect. So, um, patience for the socially awkward?)

Star Wars original trilogy: the one with the truth drugs )

Chronicles of Prydain: the one that writes past the ending )
lotesse: (avengers_ironman)
I started this back in my post-movie burst of creativity, and then got lost with it, until I figured out that of course the girl scientist banging the hot Norse divinity was the key to the whole thing.

This poor Scandinavian hero-worship (1750 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jane Foster/Thor
Characters: Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thor (Marvel), Jane Foster (Marvel), Jarvis (Iron Man movies)
Additional Tags: Religion, Awkward Conversations, Recreational Drug Use, Science
Summary: “So, I mean,” Tony slurs, curling up against the warm solid mass of Thor's chest, “here's what I don't get. You're a Norse god, right?” Thor rumbles an amused affirmative, and Tony feels the vibrations against his cheek. Fuck he's drunk. He's not supposed to get this drunk. He's so fucking drunk and Thor is a Norse god. “So that means that you're conclusive proof in the existence of god. Atheism is screwed.”
lotesse: (trek_ponfarr)
Needle and scissor, scissor and pin (277 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock, Leonard McCoy
Additional Tags: Stitches, Shore Leave, Spock POV
Summary: Probably needles and sutures. All the pain. They used to hand-cut and sew people like garments. Needles and sutures.
lotesse: (greenswirl)
More hair than she needs (517 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Tangled (2010), The Color Purple - Alice Walker, Star Trek: Voyager, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Celie/Shug Avery
Characters: Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe, Rapunzel (Tangled), Rapunzel's Mother, Shug Avery, Celie (The Color Purple), Kathryn Janeway, Leia Organa, Mon Mothma, Diana Barry
Additional Tags: Hair, Femininity, Self-Determination, Female Character of Color, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Feminist Themes, Drabble Collection, Bechdel Test Pass, 5 Things, Female Friendship

Five female characters who cut their hair, and one who didn't.

lotesse: (kink_femme)
meme from, like, everybody:

I currently have 75 works at AO3. Pick a number between 1 and 75 and I'll tell you three things I currently like about that story.

eta: so that this entry contains more than a meme - the more I hear about the Amazon Kindle Worlds mess, the more it reminds me of what I've read about the early days of the Pocket Books Star Trek tie-in novels, which I gather fans were initially excited about as a way to professionalize/monetize but later pretty much abandoned once the level of creative bankruptcy necessary for participation became clear. Plus ca change, neh?
lotesse: (fairytale_apple)
Internets, bless me, for I have gafiated. It has been three weeks since my last update. I needed to disconnect for a little bit after the holiday, but now I'mma try to hook back in.

Which means that I never got round to posting my 2012 fic roundup, or linking to my yuletide fic. So here's that:

for Yuletide, I wrote:
Other creatures that have eyes (4090 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica (1978)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Boomer/Athena, Apollo/Starbuck
Characters: Boomer, Lieutenant Athena, Dietra, Captain Apollo, Lieutenant Starbuck, Commander Adama, Colonel Tigh

Boomer didn't often see the stars this way, although he flew among them daily; in a Viper space was segmented by tylinium plates and dark duralumin bars, broken into panes like oldfashioned glass windows.

I had a fun writing year, if a bit stop-and-go. (I'm not going to do a link list here, because I think the AO3 has started to obviate that convention; it's no longer hard to find an author's recent output listed chronologically!) I wrote in a megafandom for the first time since forever, and had awesome fun with the Avengers. That was awesome, I should write some more of that sometime. I think I'm most happy with Alive in your blood now, which said some things about the Vorkosigan saga and family and honor and progressive politics that are really important to me. Final fic stats: 11 stories, 33,552 words.

I also learned how to podfic, and am working on the vidding thing, so yay for new skillsets!

Goals for this next year: to finish and post some of the really large quantities of Prydain and original Star Wars words that have been accumulating on my hard drive.
lotesse: (imaginary)
meme from [personal profile] ilthit, because I'm trying to freaking finish some of these: The game is to find the word “look” in your current work in progress, and post an excerpt from that section of the manuscript.

Star Wars )

more Star Wars )

Vorkosigan Saga )

Avengers )
lotesse: (sarc_fuckoff)
A place to rest and forget yourself (2176 words) by faviconlotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Shameless (US)
Rating: Explicit
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Fiona Gallagher/Lip Gallagher
Characters: Fiona Gallagher, Lip Gallagher, Debbie Gallagher, Carl Gallagher, Ian Gallagher
Summary: Fiona he'd kill for, if she'd ever wanted him to, but she never would; Fiona doesn't burn inside like he does. Fiona is dark still water, cold and fathomless, and sometimes Lip sees her drowning but he's a thirsty man.
lotesse: (vorkosigan_maple)
Posting fic! That is a thing that I used to do!

Alive in your blood now (5735 words) by faviconlotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Helen Natalia Vorkosigan, Aral Alexander Vorkosigan, Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan, Miles Naismith Vorkosigan, Ekaterin Vorsoisson Vorkosigan, Harra Csurik, Ivan Vorpatril, Taura Vorkosigan, Helen Vorthys

When the role call comes to “Vorkosigan,” Helen Natalia smiles, throws back her head, and casts her vote.

lotesse: (kink_laces)
I've been trying to decide if I want to take another crack at [community profile] kink_bingo; on the one hand, I've got an awful lot of wsip piled up right now, and an impetus to complete them might not be a bad thing, but on the other the last time I tried kb I totally froze up and couldn't pull it off. I think it has something to do with the external or imposed nature of the kinks - I don't think I'm the girl who can do that, write a kink just to explore it. Fic, for me, is inevitably rooted in personal response, along the lines of erotic sharing - this idea/story/image lit me up, let me write it out and share it with you and see if it lights you up too. Going looking for the kink is ass-backwards for me. It's related, I think, to the problems I continue to have with prescribed methods of academic reading, with note-taking and end-note-reading and all sorts of other systems that disrupt the affective connection of the reader with the text. I want everything to begin with my own naive libidinal response, to proceed from there. So - well, I think I've kind of just talked myself out of kb this year :(

BUT! even without bingo, I can still do kink. What happens when you give me a Victorianist exam list to read:

With ruches of silk
Anne of Green Gables, Anne/Gilbert, set during Anne of the Island and then after
{Tennyson, poetry, women's education, roleplaying, crossdressing, corsetry, and oral sex}
“If you came dressed as a girl, like the men in the poem, wouldn't you be contributing to the picture instead of disrupting it?” Phil wondered aloud, tone carefully innocent.
1775 words, teen

at the AO3,
or behind the cut )
lotesse: (avengers_sexystark)
because, y'all, I freaking LOVE chicken shawarma; it is the food of the gods.

Cardamom is the perfect spice
Avengers, Steve/Tony, Clint/Natasha, post-film coda: now with added shawarma!
{movie spoilers, food, first kisses, names, soldier issues}
2536 words, general

at the AO3
or behind the cut )
lotesse: (avengers_tonydamage)
Film yellow and film gold
Avengers, Steve/Tony, fantasy!Steve/various, masturbation and old film reels
{sexual fantasy, autoeroticism, Steve/chorus girls, Steve/Howard, daddy issues, atomic paranoia}
4138 words, mature

at the AO3
or behind the cut )

daughter of the sea, oregano's first cousin


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