lotesse: (jane eyre)
-fandom. I wrote Jane Eyre in space fic for yuletide, which was super fun.

As last year, I hope to pub more fic that just the single annual yt work this year; I am hopeful but not making promises. Currently being worked on are Kairos Series and Prydain fic; there's Star Wars OT, BSG classic, and Earthsea fic stubs that I could imaginably finish. We shall see.

-politics. Dealing with it. Still calling/writing people and yelling, bc why not.

-work. I'm getting ready to talk to my new boss (!) about where I'm going to fit in this operation going forward, and I'm excited and nervous and thoughtful about the change. I guess I didn't write here about everything that's gone down irt this job over the last few months -- it turns out that auntie M. hurt herself badly while surfing in Mexico, and I ended up covering for her for over a month while she recovered in hospital, all during the busiest time of the year for the industry. So I'm feeling pretty confident about my position -- these people owe me, big time, for stepping in and saving their bacon. Because of the place my aunt holds in the company, I've been corresponding daily with the CEO/founder, the new owner, and the other managing directors, so I'm coming in at the very top -- and I get the vibe that they really like me, and that they want to make a place for me. Politically speaking, I don't like the industry but am good with the particular individuals; I was at my aunt's house for the election, so I know she was commiserating with the other managing directors about Trump's win. They're nice. They gave me a bonus 50$ amazon gift card for Christmas.

I feel like I could do the work for a while. I like the schedule; the company runs 24/365 on an international clock, so you don't really get days off, but you also don't work for that much time at a go, and things can almost always be moved around with relative ease to clear at least 6 hrs' time. It's a good solution to the problem of emotional exhaustion I've struggled with in doing shift work; I can almost always take a break if I need to, and I don't mind working all the time if I can stop to look after myself without undue bother or embarrassment. tbh I am also very aware that, for my aunt at least, the gig was a great pairing with starting a family; it works well with baby-care and housekeeping schedules, and can be done anywhere with a functional internet connection. A big goal is going to be either getting out from under my aunt in chain of command, or finding ways to safeguard my position; she's a doll, but she's a messy one, and I don't want to be left holding the bag any more than need be.

-reading. It's been Middlemarch all the way down the last week or so; I think it's a reaction to changes in my personal and professional life, the same way it was when I was doing a lot with Middlemarch at the end of my graduate career. I find that the book gives me 2 important permissions/affirmations: that it is all right to lean in to change, and that it is all right to have complicated feelings about even positive changes. I've been feeling noticeably more gentle toward Lydgate this time around, for whatever reason, and more tired with Celia. I continue to find Will Ladislaw an excellent romantic lead, and think the critics are all trippin.

-personal stuff. The thing with D. is continuing to be both delightful and intense; I suppose this is what happens when serious people get together. I'm feeling increasingly comfortable throwing around language like "my boyfriend" in public, which is nice. Fam has been super supportive; my sib gave an official seal of approval over the holiday, and my ma's been doing this adorable nervous awkward attempted reassurance dance that's a bit awful but also basically encouraging.

D's been going through an adjustment, too, I think. My analysis at present is that he'd given up thinking much about his own life trajectory/wants as a result of picking up the main caretaker role for his family during and after his father's death last year, and is now at the place in the process where his self is naturally reasserting itself and its independence. I think he's been feeling very old; but the same way that he's a connection for me back to childhood, I'm being a connection for him, and the new relationship is also becoming the beginning of renewed forward motion. I've been trying to get him to daydream a bit about what he wants to do next, but also trying to maintain distance/not micromanage him; I don't think he wants it, and tbh I don't want to do it.

He's been fucking great about my residual trauma issues; we seem to do best if I'm verbally direct and clear about what's going on and what I need from him, and tbh I'm p. good at doing that, as long as I know that it's safe to admit weakness -- which it really, really has been. I had a full freak-out/flashback/panic attack a few weeks ago, and it was scary for a minute bc it was the moment when the extent of my damage became clear. But he read the links I sent him on CPTSD, and I think it's gonna be ok.
lotesse: (glamazon)
I'm not planning on seeing Crimson Peak myself, despite my lasting love for del Toro, because it just doesn't look like my sort of thing (also because i walked out of Mia Wasikowska's Jane Eyre and i might still be bearing a bit of a grudge). But the talk around it has been helpful for me in clarifying something about my gendered investments in the gothic.Read more... )
lotesse: (starwars_twins)
Friday = podfic!

[Podfic] A bed of daysided gold (18 words) by faviconlotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Rating: Explicit
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo
Characters: Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo

podfic of A bed of daysided gold, written and read by lotesse, 30:27

[Podfic] Jane Eyre Has a Posse (19 words) by faviconlotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Jane Austen's Fight Club, AUSTEN Jane - Works, Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Jane Eyre, Marianne Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Bertha Mason, Blanche Ingram, Shirley Keeldar, Emma Woodhouse, Catherine Earnshaw, Fanny Price

podfic of Jane Eyre Has a Posse, written by bow and read by lotesse, 23:01

lotesse: (feminism_assignmentfemale)
“Oh, St. John!” I cried, “have some mercy!”

I appealed to one who, in the discharge of what he believed his duty, knew neither mercy nor remorse. He continued—

“God and nature intended you for a missionary’s wife. It is not personal, but mental endowments they have given you: you are formed for labour, not for love. A missionary’s wife you must—shall be. You shall be mine: I claim you—not for my pleasure, but for my Sovereign’s service.”

-Jane Eyre
lotesse: (labyrinth_slave)
Since Brontës seem to be going around ([personal profile] selenak on Wuthering Heights, [personal profile] katta on Jane Eyre), it seemed to me like it might be time to try expounding on my Grand Unified Theory of Rochester. Which I have never tried to do before, not really, so be gentle!

Like Katta, I love Rochester. I always have, ever since Jane Eyre whirled me away as a sixteen-year-old and made me decide to study Victorian literature for a living. But I've had a really hard time talking about him, to most fans of the book, and certainly I've found that academic analyses of him don't patch with my reading. The current tendency seems to be to read Rochester as similar to Heathcliff, but without the benefit of Emily's sarcastic commentary and relentless anti-Romanticism: a Byronic brooding Bad Boy Woobie who gets himself Redeemed By Lurve. Witness the take Fassbender gave on him in the recent film: his Rochester is all about the lure of the bad boy. Rochester's appeal gets read as symptomatic of women's simultaneous political desire for freedom and sexual desire for submission, as suppressed s&m. All very Twilight, when you come down to it.

This is not my Rochester. )
lotesse: (kink_chien)
(at this time of the night?)

first part of some sort of thought-like thing: Fredric Jameson argues that scifi uses "elaborate strategies of misdirection" to allow fiction to address the present. We modern things, he says, can't get to the world around ourselves straightforwardly, because every apparatus of our lives serves to otherwise channel our attention/energy. So we take our world, wrap it up in space ships and warp drives, and fling it out toward Saturn in order to gain enough perspective to see the bloody thing. Which makes a certain amount of sense (corrected typo:sex).

I'm in research mode at prisint, reading about masturbation (in connection with reading/reverie more than strict biopolitics). And contemporary criticism keeps struggling with the repressive hypothesis: the old way of thinking about sex oppression, which was to assume that sexual material was actively suppressed and silenced and excess sexual activity squirted out the top in the form of porn/decadence/whathaveyou. Which the Victorians get way too much of. But they all talk a blue streak about sex - as do we. Repression in that way is manifestly not what we're looking at. The thing about Victorian novels that makes them easy to characterize as repressed is the way they displace sexuality - Jane Eyre comes into Rochester's room in her nightgown and the bed is on fire, and a little later the hawthorn tree is riven by lightning, but there's not a bit where the text actually straight-up tells you that they want to fuck/are fucking. Which looks like repressive eruption, sure, but is also kind of an amazing textual erotic technique. Victorian sexual misdirection is really hot - and it's entirely possible that they knew that, and were doing it ON PURPOSE. So the buttoned-up puritans might actualfax be the most skilled pornographers of all, utilizing a sort of Jamesonian misdirection to successfully write about sex. Like the gorgeous bit in Midnight's Children when Rushdie describes the "indirect kiss" the bollywood lovers give one another on screen: "kiss[ing] - not one another - but things." Which is really hot.

Considering the existence of the Bad Sex in Fiction Awards, this doesn't seem to be something that we liberated luckies are having any great success in. I'd always thought of the eroticism boost of indirection as a sort of positive side effect, the last little bit in Pandora's box that makes it not all horrible - they couldn't write about sex, but at least their novels still managed to be hot. But now I'm wondering if they didn't really have something going on there, something that we've actually kind of lost. Turning over the traditional relationship of past to present a bit - kind of cool & attractive as a concept.
lotesse: (Claudio)
1: French. French test done and done! The translation was from Le Petit Prince, so that was yay. Checking my notes, I know for sure that I muffed one or two things, but I think I'm going to be okay.

2: Shoes. Got my birthday present from my mum in the mail - she sent me cute sandals! Strappy black, with two-inch-ish tapered heels, well-balanced enough to actually walk in, without ankle straps because those do un-good things to the look of my legs. Mama's started cultivating this habit of buying shoes for me and then mailing them for various gifts. I think she thinks it's fun to buy for me, because my feet are completely standard in measurement, and she wears a women's size 11 narrow. I love getting actual objects in the mail, and also having a mother with excellent taste in shoes.

3: Cinema. Still have not seen the new PotC. Maybe tomorrow? Sometime this week, anyway. But it was gorgeous out today, and I didn't want to spend it in the cinema. Oh, but I did see the new Jane Eyre, and was absolutely appalled. I didn't know it was possible to make Jane that much of a frail victim - or Charlotte Brontë's prose that flat and humorless! They must've worked to cut out that novel's zing!

(3½: signal boost to this petition asking the psychology community to repudiate that awful piece of scientific racism recently printed in Psychology today)

me me:

5 May 2011 10:54 am
lotesse: (miyazaki)
Name me a character from a fandom I have known, and I will tell you:

* How I FEEEEEL about this character
* All the people I ship romantically with this character
* My non-romantic OTP for this character
* My unpopular opinion about this character
* One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon
lotesse: (woods)
SPRING BREAK TIEMZ NAO. I will celebrate with Cadbury caramel eggs and pornography, I think, because the new Jane Eyre is not playing in my (big-ten-university-hosting) hometown - like whut fr srs. And Prydain. Because Prydain is a happy land of wonders and otps.

Sending out my happy freedom energy to Japan, where the weather is not nearly so lovely as it is here and now.
lotesse: (porn?)
five questions meme, from [personal profile] idlerat. Comment for five topics of your own - rat gave me: Lotesse (your name!), Tolkien, Jane Eyre, Spike!Elizabeth Bennett (your icon!), Oregano (your motto!)

Read more... )
lotesse: (lotr_movie!sam)
Also, hobbits! Oh hobbits. I have read so much hobbitfic over the last few weeks, you have no idea. Too much to do individual recs for, but they're all stacked up in my delicious, over yonder.

I've been trying to puzzle out just why on earth I lurve them with such passing fervor, and I think last night I finally hit on it - they're Victorians who get to go on Quests. Seems obvious, but when I unpack it, I think there's a lot there for me.

I can manage it. I must. )

Oh, hobbits!
lotesse: (feminism - Buffy)
I've been thinking about women's anger in narrative. My Boy just read Jane Eyre for the first time, and while he loved Jane's passionate rage as a child, he was disappointed by the way that she cools down and reigns herself in as an adult. Also, Hoyden About Town posted a feminist exploration of The Taming of the Shrew yesterday - the one Shakespeare play that I can't get my head around, that I can't figure it out.

(I also saw Australia last night, and while I loved the film I rather wish that the heroine had been more Mary Lennox or Jo March than Indiana Jones Sidekick No. 2)

I love angry girls in books. Anger is a useful resource; if you are oppressed, anger is a necessary reaction. Out of anger is born activism. I love the angry girls because they see gender oppression as the crock it actually is, and they aren't willing to play along. As a girl, the angry girls made me feel validated, like I wasn't making it all up - like I had a right to my anger. I felt with their fire.

My heart had leapt. My cheeks had burnt. I had flushed with anger. )
lotesse: (buffy)
With the accidental release of the Twilight spin-off Midnight Sun, I've found myself pondering vampires.

I haven't actually read Twilight, save in mockworthy excerpts around internetland. My sister bought all four books, though, and then my mother read them. This kind of weirds me out.

But the thing about Midnight Sun that's been freaking me out is how like some sort of dark mirror of Buffy/Angel it is. I'm embarrassingly otp about B/A, and looking at Edward Cullen is a very interesting exercise in self-examination. Because I think that at the end of the day, Angel and Edward - heck, throw in Rochester for a historical precedent - are cut from pretty much the same mode. Handsome, powerful, has knowledge that the heroine does not, secret darknesses, stalkerishness, possessiveness, that whole fantasy of total all-consuming love that verges on creepy and badwrong.

Except that they choose very different sorts of girls to be in love with. )

Also, in tangent land, rewatching the end of Buffy 3 made me frustrated with it all over again. Because to me, the breakup never actually reads as final. It reads like the Romanceland trope of the obstacle to love, which is SUPPOSED TO BE OVERCOME BY TRUE LOVE. The breakup feels like the first part of something. I don't ever feel like the writers actually say that it's over. If they would, maybe I could get over it. Right now I'm just having Season Six AU fantasies wherein Angel is the one who catches B at the end of Once More With Feeling, instead of stupid Spike.
lotesse: (literature - Victorian)
Sp apparently Ellen Page is playing Jane Eyre in a new adaptation. I am drawn on this.

On the one hand, I think Ellen Page is all that. She's cute, smart, indie, sarcastic. But on the other hand, she's also gorgeous, and I'm so tired of gorgeous hollywood Jane Eyres. And the whole pretty girl plays plain by putting her hair back severely and not wearing makeup thing. I love Jane for her plainness. Someday I would like to see that represented filmically, kthx. At least we've come away from the Joan Fontaine blonde thing.

On the one hand, I kind of think that Charlotte Gainsbourg knocked the role so far out of the park that no one should even try it this close to the Zeffirelli film. But on the other, I did not love William Hurt as Rochester, and I did rather feel that they lacked the electric chemistry I'd like to see between Jane and Edward. No one seems to know who's playing Rochester as of yet.

I think I maybe have too many hands. But Jane Eyre yay!

lotesse: (academia)
Girls, if any of you would be willing to read over my proposal for my final paper on Jane Eyre, I'd love you forever. I have to present it to all faculty and majors on Thursday, and the prop is due tomorrow morning. It's just a short bit - let me know if you see any glaring flaws or logic holes?

Read more... )

I'll possibly make icons on request for anyone who gives me good crit /wheedle
lotesse: (persephone)
Read "The Castle of Otranto" for class. omg drugs. Can we move on to "Jane Eyre" now, plz?

The senior capstone seminar is on Gothic Literature this year, which is fantastic, because it means that I get to write my symposium paper on my darling Jane. Joy. I'm going to take a stab at connecting Rochester's blindness to Jane's continual association with the Otherworldly - seeing and the Unseen, as it were. Should be fun.

I came away from the Christmas season with Buffy 3 and Angel 2 on DVD. Buffyverse goes well with Gothic novels. Xander/Willow will never not be wonderful and achy. Angelus still freaks me out. Giles wins at everything. It's weird to watch Angel and Cordy and Wes in Buffy 3, ignoring each other and, in the case of Wes and Cordy, trying unsuccessfully to make out. One of those "little did they know" things, you know?

Also? Between Obama's speech after the Iowa caucus and Edwards' slagging on Clinton for being a weak girl, I'm tipping toward the Obamarama. I've been pretty drawn between them, because I was raised a union girl and Edwards has always had that going strong for him. But taking advantage of the sexism being thrown at Clinton is well beyond my pale.
lotesse: (the voice I heard crying)
I've made my peace with Jane Eyre, really I have. It's very hard for me to dealwith the issues of race and racism that critics tend to raise against it, because I love Rochester and Jane so terribly. I take his character by the fact that it was Jane he wished to have, not some divine beauty. Jane: small, poor, plain, and above all fiercely independent, not content to be less than his equal. I love him for loving her, you see.

And he does treat Bertha well, at least. He doesn't send her off to an asylum, doesn't allow her to die. If her condition seems cruel to us, perhaps it is because of the cultural and intellectual changes in the understanding of mental illness. I'm sure that however bad Thornfield may be, an institution would be infinitely worse. Edward hates her, true enough, but not for her madness. She was cruel to him ere she lost her mind, and it's that that sways him, he says so himself.

(Oh, it feels so strange to be reading with the text and against its interrogators. It's not my usual method at all, and it makes me quite uneasy. But it really is the way I feel.)

But there is one thing that, every time I hear or read of it, puts me entirely on Bertha's side: when Rochester and his company are playing at charades, certain wardrobes and closets on the third story are ransacked for costumes. It's entirely clear to me that these are Bertha's things, being taken without her permission for use in a party game by a spoiled snot. It makes my heart ache. The disregard of her wishes, her very being, that they would so cavalierly carry off her things! it bothers me very much.

Maybe it's because I hated having to give up my own things so much as a girl. My sister is four years younger than me, and she spent most of her childhood wearing my handmedowns. We didn't have a lot of money, and good clothing was good clothing. But I hated it. It already reduced me to tears when I couldn't wear a particularly beloved dress or pair of shoes any more, and to see her going about it them was, in my mind, adding insult to injury. And so the idea of someone taking away my things without my knowledge and for such a silly purpose really rankles with me. It could almost make me dislike Rochester. At least Jane isn't involved--I'd be very sad to dislike her.

daughter of the sea, oregano's first cousin


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