lotesse: (glamazon)
-the leadup to Welsh devolution in the 1990s

-the Soho, London art scene in 1989

-death-related fantasy and YA from the mid-90s

(first two for fic, last one for work)

(tbh i like the idea of making Will and Bran make out someplace where I've already written Holmes and Watson fucking, the continuity is nice)


20 May 2016 12:32 pm
lotesse: (Default)
honestly I'm in terrible shape today. I shouldn't be - work's been going really well, until September I'm going to be writing essays about literature and the supernatural, which is amazing - I've got an Andersen story this week, Garth Nix's Sabriel (!) for next - and ever since the weather turned the afterschool childcare work I've been doing has gone from kinda heavy to just delightful, the little girl with Down's I've been taking care of is super happy to scrounge around in the woods and I don't have to mind her so closely because there's nothing she can break, and mess doesn't matter outside so we've way less conflict and are getting good communication lines set up and it's sunshine and exercise and playing tag and there's a real nice dog -

but I also can't stop crying, and i had an awful punitive dream last night - I wonder if the reason why I hate Dickens so much is that my superego can be distressingly Dickensian, all "let me show you visions of that thing you want so that you can see how you would fuck it up to the harm of innocents." shit. and everything is rubbing me the wrong way; my head aches, my heart aches, my eyes ache. Yesterday morning I heard the mom who lives in the other part of my house spanking her little girl, and the poor baby was crying, and I just about hyperventilated out of my skin.
lotesse: (imagination)
this afternoon I did my taxes; wept; saw a large dead raptor of brown-gold color by the side of the highway; an ill omen
lotesse: (starwars)
There's a strangely suspended quality to my interaction with post-TFA Star Wars fandom. Like - I appreciate Adam Driver's faaace right after Kylo Ren finishes his patricide, in an aesthetical sort of way, but I don't connect the father he's killed at all to Han Solo. Because I really can't figure out how Han Solo would be in that position, or Luke, or Leia. It's like - in my head, Kylo is killing this very abstract idea of "The Father," because there's a big Somebody Else's Problem field covering over Han's face and obscuring the specificity of his identity.
lotesse: (glamazon)
Listening to Bernie Sanders calling Hillary Clinton "unqualified" to be President is - like absorbing a body blow. Wow. How many times - how many men - to me, personally, to my face, like this is to hers -

I'm reminded of Twisty Faster's old IBTP tag, "men hate you."
lotesse: (freedom)
In re: US Dem primary politics -

look, I'd like to reform campaign finance every bit as much as the next girl - but through policy changes that hold everyone accountable, for fuck's sake, not through weird purity-politics critiques of successful current left fundraising tactics!
lotesse: (Default)
i am in hell: there's a cold, hungry cat outside, and it's cold and windy, and i only have the one room so i really can't let it in. my cats would freak. they freaked about my even feeding it, the mama cat especially. she's like, i know you you soft touch, this is how i got to know you in the first place. shit shit shit. i had to hiss it away from my door, it was stressing her out too much, and i don't have any help to give it anyway. it's gone next door, and is having a yowl-off with the neighbors' cat. i hope someone else on the block can let it in, poor thing, it was awfully nice and friendly
lotesse: (freedom)
A Reason Why I Am Not Happy With Bernie Sanders Today:

Planned Parenthood is not "the establishment," and you can't pass off not getting their endorsement as "mainstream doesn;t get it." PP's proven value to progressive causes weighs more than any political candidacy, sorry. You're not going to get anywhere with the feminist left by dissing on PP neither.
lotesse: (starwars)
If Donald Trump's weird campaign song is, in fact, the work of the person responsible for Rebecca Black's "Friday," Milly's excellent 2011 Club Vivid Brazil vid set to the aforementioned becomes even more fantastically layered and hilarious
lotesse: (Default)
Looking back through my fic over the years - wow, that bit from Tolkien about eucatastrophe - "he waukened then and turned to her" - must've really struck a chord with me, cuz I stg i run some form of it in everything I write.
lotesse: (starwars)
people who have read TFA tie-in materials: do we get any indications about which of the OT secrets have been told, and to whom? Mostly, I'd like to know a. who knows that Luke and Leia are sibs, and b. who knows that they're the children of Darth Vader. Am attempting fic; need to know these sorts of things, and the film itself is completely silent on both subjects.
lotesse: (Default)
... my parents are both reading The Dark Is Rising now. I guess you just gotta wait twenty years and then they'll listen to you?
lotesse: (Default)
It’s January, and that means I can talk about my yuletide work! I’m so, so proud of myself for seeing this project through; and I’m so happy it’s not over yet. This is the longest fic I’ve written to date, and I never do series work, so it’s all pretty new and exciting. It’s felt really good to be back in the writing/posting saddle.

Wherein was bound a child (24996 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Dark Is Rising Sequence - Susan Cooper
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Bran Davies/Will Stanton, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Characters: Bran Davies (Dark Is Rising), Will Stanton, the Stanton family, Jen Evans, Alice Stanton, Barbara Stanton, Ensemble
Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon, Rivers, Memory, True Dreams, Celtic Mythology & Folklore, Family, Grief/Mourning, rescuing the inner child
Summary: It's the late 80s, and Bran Davies is more perturbed than he ought to be by the news that Mrs. Evans' youngest nephew, an English boy he used to play with as a kid, who like himself is now grown to young adulthood - and who he can barely remember, no matter how hard he tries - has gone missing from his home in Buckinghamshire.
lotesse: (starwars)
I made both of these vids a good while ago, when I was still in the heat of my first fling with vidding - and then didn't post them when my sense of shame got the better of me for a bit, and I had some struggle with putting up work. Yuletide's got me nerved back up again rn, though, as have some lovely comments I've gotten on Star Wars vids since TFA dropped, and I'm going to see if I can manage to put out some of my backlog. So - have some retro cutie Harrison Ford & company.

title: Maneater
fandom: Raiders of the Lost Ark
music: Dessa
length: 3:20
summary: Marion Ravenwood character study, Indy/Marion pairing; Marion Ravenwood is a bossed up bitch with teeth and hunger and a past
download: 26.38 mb from Sendspace, 60.86 mb from Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )

title: Real Love
fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
music: The Beatles feat. posthumous John Lennon
length: 3:47
summary: shipping all the legs of the triad - Luke/Leia, Han/Luke, Han/Leia, OT3-ing it
download: 30.83 mb at Sendspace, 61.29 mb at Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )
lotesse: (Default)
I had a peculiar experience last night: I went to work as a nude life-drawing model at a friend's new studio, located in one of the classrooms of my former elementary school, which has been shut down these last seven years.

I attended the school K-5, and then my parents liberated me and let me homeschool for a few years in blessed independence. The last straw was related to art class, as a matter of fact; we had a good art teacher, one of the few good educators in that forsaken building, and my homeroom teacher had kept us all back from art class as punishment for the rowdy behavior of the usual-suspect boys; we were to sit with our heads down on our desks for the period instead. Mother hit the ceiling when she found out; and then one day at breakfast they asked me if I would like to never go back, and it was the best morning of my life.

The building is actually worse than I'd expected it to be, going from memory. It's so tiny; one story, two narrow low cinderblock hallways with ghastly exposed fluorescent lighting down the center. Like something out of a soviet dystopia, or a submarine movie. What a place to pack little children in! It's sort of horrifying to think about.

It wasn't a bad school; I was neglected there, but it was generally benignly, because I was a good clever student and a quiet child by nature. They did say, when they closed the school, that the playground might have been contaminated by industrial waste from a nearby cleaning facility.

It's all arts and community studios now. The classroom where I was made to sit with my head down, missing art, is going to be a yoga studio. It's kind of great; but for me at least there are a lot of ghosts of little children there who, I now realize, were sadder and poorer than I could understand at the time.
lotesse: (hmmm)
I'm bummin about TFA. lots of spoilers. )
lotesse: (afrofuturist)
Late-night hypothesis (i had a hard day i'm not thinking about it): might the weird misdirectedness of "sj shipping" and whatnot be a possible aftereffect of the hardcore fannish embrace of the death of the author?

Instead of accepting all fannish responses while questioning the motives/credentials of directors, movie studios, and various financiers, we seem to be ignoring the latter classes of being almost entirely to instead police fannish response.

I am pretty sure that a substantial chunk of this is "women can be easily made to feel badly about libidinal desires," but also think it's interesting that, after having gloriously launched myself into the arms of Barthes during the Harry Potter years, I now find myself endlessly wanting to remind fellow fen about who gets paid for these stories, who has control, and who exactly doesn't (hint: it's us).
lotesse: (open)
Watching Hannibal 1.08.

(I've been feeling frustration and dissatisfaction with my family; I do not know if it is legitimate. I feel as though I am not seen. But I'm less interested in proving the reality than I am in simply noticing the presence of my emotions.)

A (potential, theorized) central tragedy of human life, artfully demonstrated by Bryan Fuller: no one can save you but yourself. Even when it is not reasonable to expect anyone else to save you, help always seems to come with strings. Hannibal wants to Save Will Graham; Alana wants to Save Will Graham; Jack wants Will Graham To Already Have Been Saved so that he can remain useful and able to work. But each of these outside agents have agendas for Will, agendas that are their own and not his.

This is inevitable; how could they not? Only Will can have his own interests at heart purely. But ... he doesn't, I don't think he does. He makes gestures toward survival - he clearly knows where he needs to go vs. where he shouldn't, he tells people things like he's trying to remain accountable for his own well-being - but he doesn't follow through. (and yet, it's his self-sacrificing aspects that I find admirable. what does that say about me?)

I don't know - this all seems quite clear to me, but I've been trying to convince myself that "you've got to cross that lonesome valley, you've got to cross it by yourself" is no kind of a life-philosophy.

I wonder if it's good for me, to live within reach of my parents. I dunno that it really is.
lotesse: (hmmm)
heads up: potential OTW implosion sighted. Andrea Horbinski votes *herself* onto the Board. how lovely for her. MJ MacRae has comments about ethics. hilarious. ffa has deets

eta the whole board has now resigned. wow. what

daughter of the sea, oregano's first cousin


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