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Feb. 7th, 2022 11:42 pmI am coming to realize, more and more, that at this moment in my life, I am who I am and I do what I do. And what I do is interact with the adult subtext of children's fairytales and romances, by which I do not mean grimdarkification, but by which I do mean sexualization.
And I am just not interested in moral defense of that, or even really in literary defense of that; it appears to be what I am, take it or leave it. Been twenty years now, and I'm still doing what I do, maybe at greater length but in no essentially different way.
The gender/sexuality matrices have changed a lot since then; that still surprises me, I didn't realize at the time that I was learning such a fluid body of knowledge, when we were theorizing these things in the 90s. Am I different? Yes -- but also, crucially, no. And fandom is where I locate that essential, self-defining continuity.
Been thinking a lot about fandom, the ephemeral character of the web-based fandom I remember from the early millennium, that now only exists in our various, divergent, shared memories. The urge to archive, the urge to let pass. Mostly I notice how we, I, continue in this space, as so many other things rupture or experience disruption.
And I am just not interested in moral defense of that, or even really in literary defense of that; it appears to be what I am, take it or leave it. Been twenty years now, and I'm still doing what I do, maybe at greater length but in no essentially different way.
The gender/sexuality matrices have changed a lot since then; that still surprises me, I didn't realize at the time that I was learning such a fluid body of knowledge, when we were theorizing these things in the 90s. Am I different? Yes -- but also, crucially, no. And fandom is where I locate that essential, self-defining continuity.
Been thinking a lot about fandom, the ephemeral character of the web-based fandom I remember from the early millennium, that now only exists in our various, divergent, shared memories. The urge to archive, the urge to let pass. Mostly I notice how we, I, continue in this space, as so many other things rupture or experience disruption.