can't seem to love one another

I had a surprise visit last night from a very old friend, a charter school sixth grade days old friend, and it was strange and intense and sort of sad. We were super tight as kids, but then he grew up into a Mormon and I grew up into a feminist and it's been weird ever since. We get really intense about communicating with one another – because I think we both actually want the same thing, deep down inside: for the other person to understand what we each think of as the only right point of view. Because we both know that things could be lovely if we could be in simple agreement together instead of having to do these complicated tightrope maneuvers. But neither of us is willing to question our own principles, and we end up running into the solid wall of our fundamental and apparently immutable differences.

He said that we hadn't fought in a long time, and I bit my tongue, because we haven't, but that doesn't mean what he thinks it does. It just means that I've gone from openly trying to convince him to tactically working to educate him. It means that I don't trust him enough to just speak without calculation and careful self-positioning.

It was the first time I've ever looked at someone my own age and thought that they looked old. I couldn't see the boy he was anymore in his face but I could imagine what he'd be like at fifty. Sort of broke my heart.

( It also helped me put my finger on one of the things that I've found really difficult to handle in the aftermath of my Ex. )