Fic: Star to Every Wandering
Feb. 5th, 2007 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lotesseTitle: The Star to Every Wandering
Pairing: Caspian/Lucy
Impossible love stories at sea, things unspoken and how the speaking changes everything.
1 2 3
4. Your Mind is Tossing (on the Ocean)
The hall was bright with fire and merry conversation. Caspian's arrival to the Islands was cause for great celebration among the Lord Bern's friends and followers, and they were all These men had tried for many years to mend the copious errors of Gumpas' misrule, and now they saw real hope for progress. But after he had eaten of the savory meat and fresh bread that the good Lord had brought to the table, Caspian had no desire to remain in that warm and golden space. There was, however, a balcony looking out over the city that adjoined the room, and there he stood, leaning on the balustrade and watching the darkness fall. Lines of tension ran through his body, but he was as still as a man carved from stone.
Bern was in no way blind to this. He had watched the young king closely all that day, watching the marks of his father that the boy unknowingly carried and marveling at the kinglyness that he had never before seen in one so young. Caspian was like his father, true, but Caspian the Ninth had never looked so truly like a sovereign as this lad. The father had been prickly, high-minded, and not an easy man to love though he held men's love well when he had gained it. But this young king Bern had loved instantly and effortlessly, and the boy's obvious trouble troubled him greatly in turn.
After a time, when Caspian stood still at the arch and did not move or return, Bern went softly to his side. Silently he lay a hand on the wrought-iron railing in the king's line of sight, allowing him awareness of another presence. Caspian saw it and turned, and his face was anxious and far-looking. "My Lord Bern," he said, "am I needed within?"
Bern smiled. "No, my liege. But I felt that I might be needed without."
The young king laughed, but it was a harsh laugh, strung tight as a harp string and near to breaking. "Well said, my lord, though I do not know what you can do."
Placing a hand on Caspian's tensed shoulder, Bern decided to abandon courtly diplomacy. The boy needed to talk, that much was clear, and Bern would have the trouble out of him. He knew what it was, or near enough. "You are in love with that little lady, who is still with your other companions under the care of Pug. Is that not what troubles you?"
Caspain laughed again, sobbing in his indrawn breath, and hung his head. "Yes, though I had not entirely known it until now."
"And this grieves you, your majesty? It should be joyous."
"Truly, it does grieve me. I cannot see how this can possibly end well."
"My king, if you fear her refusal then I fear that you are blind. Even I could see it in her, and I can well guess what her answer would be. You are not an ill-suited man, to fear being denied by maids."
Caspian looked up at him, and it was a weighing look. The he nodded, short and sharp, having come to a decision. "Yes, I can tell you everything; you will not be indiscreet. Do you have any idea who she is?"
"You called her Lucy, back on Felimath."
Caspian turned away and leaned out over the balcony, looking out into the distance. "Yes. Queen Lucy of Narnia."
Bern's brow creased in puzzlement. "Queen? Then you are already wed?"
"No, we are not wed. She has only been with us for a few weeks, though we have met before." He smiled, and some of the cares left his face. "My Lord Bern, did you ever listen to the old stories, when you were still in Narnia? About the waking trees, and fauns and dwarves and naiads and Aslan the Lion, and the ghosts down at the old ruined castle by the mouth of the Great River, by the sea?"
"I have heard them, a few times and long ago. Why?"
"And the stories of the four great kings and queens from the other world, whose reign was the Golden Age?"
"Yes."
"She is Queen Lucy the Valiant, the youngest of the four. Her brother King Edmund is with her. And all four of them came with Aslan three years ago to bring justice to Miraz and set me on the throne."
Lord Bern looked at the king in amazement, but Caspian's expression of mingled remembrance and pain could leave no doubt. The king was in earnest, and in his right wits. "You travel with the Ancient Kings? You have seen the face of Aslan?" Caspian nodded, and Bern could scarcely have been more surprised. "I had always thought that they were fairy tales, though very good and lovely ones. Clearly the world has greatly changed since last I was in Narnia, if the old legends have waked and roamed the green earth." He paused. "But, my liege, does this not make her a yet more fit consort for the King of Narnia? And yet you are still despondent. What causes this?"
Caspian traced the railing with a slow finger, slipping along its curls and vies. "I don't know why they have come here. I pulled her out of the sea some weeks ago, out of all sight of land. But you see Aslan always sends them here for a reason, and when the work is done he takes them back to their own country, where I cannot go. He sent them back after my coronation, and I heard it whispered that he told the High King and the eldest Queen that they would never be able to come back, because they were too old. And so I know that she will leave, and perhaps I will never see her again."
Lord Bern said, "But they have come again, quite soon after they last left. Surely there is no need for despair?"
Caspian spoke dreamily, as if reciting a story that he had learned by heart long ago. "Time passes differently in their world-it has been five years for them, and scarcely three here in Narnia. And when they came to my aid before only one summer had passed for them since the Golden Age. Even if she does come back again, I am likely to be dead."
His voice twisted bitterly at the last, and Bern's eyes were wide with sympathy as the young king fell silent. This was much more, much deeper, than anything that he had expected to find. But the boy was heartsick, and so he pushed is bewilderment out of the way to offer the only comfort he could.
"My liege.Caspian. We will get them freed, and soon. Tomorrow morning everything will change here, and they will be safe enough till then." He joined the king at the railing, leaning on it and looking out over the sea. "Did you know that I had a lover back in the Narnian court?" He nodded as Caspian looked up. "Yes, and I left her when Miraz banished us. She would have come with us, but I would not let her. It was no sort of life for a lady.
"I never forgot her. When I met my Nell on this Island I loved her first because she was so much like my other love, and Nell I kept and married. I love her well enough for her own sake, now, but I have never forgotten my Narnian maid. But am I not more blest to have loved her at all, though we will never meet again?"
"I did not know, my lord. I. Yes, it is better, but." Caspian's voice tangled in his confusion and he fell silent, clutching at the balustrade until his knuckles turned white. "I wish that this had never happened. I wish that they had never come."
"My boy, if you don't know how much time you will have with her, all the more reason to savor every moment of it. What does this worry profit, to you or to anyone? Now, sire, it is late, and we start soon after dawn. I at least need my rest if these old bones are to serve any man on the morrow, and you should sleep as well. Your chambers are ready for you, when you have need of them." His tone was brisk; he sensed that the King was on the edge of brooding and despair, and knew that he needed to be shaken out of his melancholy more than he needed sympathy or useless platitudes. It was very well to talk about loving and losing, but the boy was in the middle of it, and could not be expected to regard the matter with philosophy. Not yet. The sorrow had to come before.
Clapping the king on the shoulder and then kissing him lightly on the brow, the lord turned and went back into the house, dousing the fire before he went to his bed and his wife. But Caspian stood for a long time in the dark night air, looking to the sea and thinking as the wind rose up and whipped the waves to whitecaps in the channel where Pug's ship rode at anchor.
Pairing: Caspian/Lucy
Impossible love stories at sea, things unspoken and how the speaking changes everything.
1 2 3
4. Your Mind is Tossing (on the Ocean)
The hall was bright with fire and merry conversation. Caspian's arrival to the Islands was cause for great celebration among the Lord Bern's friends and followers, and they were all These men had tried for many years to mend the copious errors of Gumpas' misrule, and now they saw real hope for progress. But after he had eaten of the savory meat and fresh bread that the good Lord had brought to the table, Caspian had no desire to remain in that warm and golden space. There was, however, a balcony looking out over the city that adjoined the room, and there he stood, leaning on the balustrade and watching the darkness fall. Lines of tension ran through his body, but he was as still as a man carved from stone.
Bern was in no way blind to this. He had watched the young king closely all that day, watching the marks of his father that the boy unknowingly carried and marveling at the kinglyness that he had never before seen in one so young. Caspian was like his father, true, but Caspian the Ninth had never looked so truly like a sovereign as this lad. The father had been prickly, high-minded, and not an easy man to love though he held men's love well when he had gained it. But this young king Bern had loved instantly and effortlessly, and the boy's obvious trouble troubled him greatly in turn.
After a time, when Caspian stood still at the arch and did not move or return, Bern went softly to his side. Silently he lay a hand on the wrought-iron railing in the king's line of sight, allowing him awareness of another presence. Caspian saw it and turned, and his face was anxious and far-looking. "My Lord Bern," he said, "am I needed within?"
Bern smiled. "No, my liege. But I felt that I might be needed without."
The young king laughed, but it was a harsh laugh, strung tight as a harp string and near to breaking. "Well said, my lord, though I do not know what you can do."
Placing a hand on Caspian's tensed shoulder, Bern decided to abandon courtly diplomacy. The boy needed to talk, that much was clear, and Bern would have the trouble out of him. He knew what it was, or near enough. "You are in love with that little lady, who is still with your other companions under the care of Pug. Is that not what troubles you?"
Caspain laughed again, sobbing in his indrawn breath, and hung his head. "Yes, though I had not entirely known it until now."
"And this grieves you, your majesty? It should be joyous."
"Truly, it does grieve me. I cannot see how this can possibly end well."
"My king, if you fear her refusal then I fear that you are blind. Even I could see it in her, and I can well guess what her answer would be. You are not an ill-suited man, to fear being denied by maids."
Caspian looked up at him, and it was a weighing look. The he nodded, short and sharp, having come to a decision. "Yes, I can tell you everything; you will not be indiscreet. Do you have any idea who she is?"
"You called her Lucy, back on Felimath."
Caspian turned away and leaned out over the balcony, looking out into the distance. "Yes. Queen Lucy of Narnia."
Bern's brow creased in puzzlement. "Queen? Then you are already wed?"
"No, we are not wed. She has only been with us for a few weeks, though we have met before." He smiled, and some of the cares left his face. "My Lord Bern, did you ever listen to the old stories, when you were still in Narnia? About the waking trees, and fauns and dwarves and naiads and Aslan the Lion, and the ghosts down at the old ruined castle by the mouth of the Great River, by the sea?"
"I have heard them, a few times and long ago. Why?"
"And the stories of the four great kings and queens from the other world, whose reign was the Golden Age?"
"Yes."
"She is Queen Lucy the Valiant, the youngest of the four. Her brother King Edmund is with her. And all four of them came with Aslan three years ago to bring justice to Miraz and set me on the throne."
Lord Bern looked at the king in amazement, but Caspian's expression of mingled remembrance and pain could leave no doubt. The king was in earnest, and in his right wits. "You travel with the Ancient Kings? You have seen the face of Aslan?" Caspian nodded, and Bern could scarcely have been more surprised. "I had always thought that they were fairy tales, though very good and lovely ones. Clearly the world has greatly changed since last I was in Narnia, if the old legends have waked and roamed the green earth." He paused. "But, my liege, does this not make her a yet more fit consort for the King of Narnia? And yet you are still despondent. What causes this?"
Caspian traced the railing with a slow finger, slipping along its curls and vies. "I don't know why they have come here. I pulled her out of the sea some weeks ago, out of all sight of land. But you see Aslan always sends them here for a reason, and when the work is done he takes them back to their own country, where I cannot go. He sent them back after my coronation, and I heard it whispered that he told the High King and the eldest Queen that they would never be able to come back, because they were too old. And so I know that she will leave, and perhaps I will never see her again."
Lord Bern said, "But they have come again, quite soon after they last left. Surely there is no need for despair?"
Caspian spoke dreamily, as if reciting a story that he had learned by heart long ago. "Time passes differently in their world-it has been five years for them, and scarcely three here in Narnia. And when they came to my aid before only one summer had passed for them since the Golden Age. Even if she does come back again, I am likely to be dead."
His voice twisted bitterly at the last, and Bern's eyes were wide with sympathy as the young king fell silent. This was much more, much deeper, than anything that he had expected to find. But the boy was heartsick, and so he pushed is bewilderment out of the way to offer the only comfort he could.
"My liege.Caspian. We will get them freed, and soon. Tomorrow morning everything will change here, and they will be safe enough till then." He joined the king at the railing, leaning on it and looking out over the sea. "Did you know that I had a lover back in the Narnian court?" He nodded as Caspian looked up. "Yes, and I left her when Miraz banished us. She would have come with us, but I would not let her. It was no sort of life for a lady.
"I never forgot her. When I met my Nell on this Island I loved her first because she was so much like my other love, and Nell I kept and married. I love her well enough for her own sake, now, but I have never forgotten my Narnian maid. But am I not more blest to have loved her at all, though we will never meet again?"
"I did not know, my lord. I. Yes, it is better, but." Caspian's voice tangled in his confusion and he fell silent, clutching at the balustrade until his knuckles turned white. "I wish that this had never happened. I wish that they had never come."
"My boy, if you don't know how much time you will have with her, all the more reason to savor every moment of it. What does this worry profit, to you or to anyone? Now, sire, it is late, and we start soon after dawn. I at least need my rest if these old bones are to serve any man on the morrow, and you should sleep as well. Your chambers are ready for you, when you have need of them." His tone was brisk; he sensed that the King was on the edge of brooding and despair, and knew that he needed to be shaken out of his melancholy more than he needed sympathy or useless platitudes. It was very well to talk about loving and losing, but the boy was in the middle of it, and could not be expected to regard the matter with philosophy. Not yet. The sorrow had to come before.
Clapping the king on the shoulder and then kissing him lightly on the brow, the lord turned and went back into the house, dousing the fire before he went to his bed and his wife. But Caspian stood for a long time in the dark night air, looking to the sea and thinking as the wind rose up and whipped the waves to whitecaps in the channel where Pug's ship rode at anchor.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 03:29 pm (UTC)The love story here is tragic in just the right way to make for great daydreams. :D
I'm looking forward to getting back to Lucy. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 06:11 pm (UTC)This is still my favorite daydream, I think. There's something in it that I've kept coming back to, and I've been dreaming it for maybe eight years now. Maybe longer, I've lost count.
Thanks so much for the compliments.