your face in a crowd

in photos, murdered innocent Michael Brown looks so much like J. did the year we met - and he was just 21 then, not much older than Mike - it just consistently freaks me out. Because I miss J. and I'm sad that things didn't work out with us. Because I remember what he was like that first year of grad school, and I'm so fucking sad that Mike Brown is never even going to have a chance at college.

I can't decide if I'm relieved or sorry to not be teaching critical race theory to the 18-year-olds of Indiana this fall, against the context of this summer. It was fucking exhausting, trying to get those white kids to give a shit, and their indifference could get heavy. But I also got to witness some beautiful moments of connection between Black students and Black history/theory - it's such a great thing to be able to hook someone up with the tools they need, especially when you get to work to reverse the flow that seeks to distance Black children from Black wisdom.

no subject

I hate the term "binge watch," it's too close to being an eating disorder trigger and it reminds me in a bad way of when I was a little girl who was so in love with stories that I read so fast and my father accused me of skimming my books.

Becoming intensely involved with a story and wanting to encounter it entirely, with no reservations, no breaks, isn't a behavior that I associate with the "slow death" (tm Lauren Berlant) behavior of binging, anyway.