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hey ma durga rakshamam
May. 1st, 2014 06:38 pmWell, today was the last day I'll ever have to be on the university campus. Finish grades next week and then, Khattam-Shud.
Feeling strange and reminiscent today. It's May 1st, Beltane, and god now that I look at the numbers it was exactly ten years ago today that I slept with my Ex for the first time. Waiting for Beltane was my idea. three weeks short of my eighteenth birthday his parents went out of town for a while, so we had a place - in my childhood in a house without doors, worth more than rubies. I got up early that morning and walked down to the creek and made myself a flower crown of myrtle and marsh marigolds; he kept it, dried, for a long time, but somewhere in all the moves it got lost. I wore a blue cotton dress that had been one of my favorites, and after that day I could never find it again.
Now that I think about it, I didn't tell anyone about what I was doing, the precedent already present. I couldn't talk to my mother and none of the other girls I knew were even dating, much less binding themselves close to someone the way I was. I went back in my archive here on this journal to see if I'd written about it, but it looks like I started on LiveJournal about three months after. I felt like a grown-up, not just fretting after it but feeling it, and I bet that's part of what made me start up posting in the first place. I felt like I'd finally arrived.
I did a three-card tarot read on Monday, and it was sort of big. ( Read more... )
Feeling strange and reminiscent today. It's May 1st, Beltane, and god now that I look at the numbers it was exactly ten years ago today that I slept with my Ex for the first time. Waiting for Beltane was my idea. three weeks short of my eighteenth birthday his parents went out of town for a while, so we had a place - in my childhood in a house without doors, worth more than rubies. I got up early that morning and walked down to the creek and made myself a flower crown of myrtle and marsh marigolds; he kept it, dried, for a long time, but somewhere in all the moves it got lost. I wore a blue cotton dress that had been one of my favorites, and after that day I could never find it again.
Now that I think about it, I didn't tell anyone about what I was doing, the precedent already present. I couldn't talk to my mother and none of the other girls I knew were even dating, much less binding themselves close to someone the way I was. I went back in my archive here on this journal to see if I'd written about it, but it looks like I started on LiveJournal about three months after. I felt like a grown-up, not just fretting after it but feeling it, and I bet that's part of what made me start up posting in the first place. I felt like I'd finally arrived.
I did a three-card tarot read on Monday, and it was sort of big. ( Read more... )