no disguise for a heart paralyzed

Welp, guys, my qualifying exam is in five days. My head feels weird. I think maybe I wish it was tomorrow, so I could let off a little on the anxiety management. Right now I'm living in anticipation of how good Wednesday afternoon is going to feel, when all this pressure lets off and I can just. Chill.

I think maybe I've been living from crisis to crisis for a little too long now; I'm distressed by just how often my default feeling about the world is fear. I keep waiting for the next blow to fall, I guess. I'd so much love to get back to feeling on top of my shit, in control of my life, even just a little. And I have all these cool ideas for stuff to do, but I just - five days. Work hard for five more days, and then freedom highday highday freedom, yeah?