state of the me

[lotesse]

A thing which has been going on for me this month is that my mother asked my father for a divorce.

I think she's justified and very brave. From my point of view, what's been strange is the rapid swing in my relationship with my dad.

Dad and I have been strained since 2015, when we fought deeply about HRC and Russian propaganda, and he lost significant amounts of my respect. It bothered me, at the time, that he didn't listen at all to me as an equal thinker or observer. Sometimes he treats me like a daughter, and dismisses me. I've been talking to Mom a lot about her issues with him for the last while.

He's handling her decision to leave with as much grace as possible, and seems surprised and sad. And reaching out to me. Sometimes I'm also his son, or maybe his twin, and he knows that I'm wise and he can rely on me. I benefited a lot, when I was little, from being his twin. So there are flipsides.

I'm rereading Byatt's "The Children's Book," which for me is all tangled up with my relationships with my grandmother the children's theater director who loved Peter Pan, and her son my father the white male socialist who often fails to be sympathetic to feminism. It's a gate for processing.

I wish my own romantic life didn't feel like such a mirror of fragmentation, itself. I'm still, somehow, trying to rebuild.

I know I haven't written for months. It's not great. I miss it. I want to, it's just a lot, emotionally, to open it up. Somehow. Somehows again ....

Comments

[oursin]

That sounds complicated, and difficult. Sending good thoughts to you, and your family.

[princessofgeeks]

Thanks for the update. I hope everything works out for your family.

[starshipfox]

My parents got divorced in 2019, when I was 30, and it was a very strange time for all of us. We all still feel the repercussions. You have my sympathy -- it's such a difficult and confusing thing, especially when you are trying to juggle helping your parents as a fellow adult with your own feelings, that are often tied up in childhood.

[highlyeccentric]

Oof. I have been barely checking DW for at least a year, so I've probably missed a lot, but I applaud your spot on articulation of the whole.. problem... of being basically the same person as one's father but Assigned Daughter.

[mecurtin]

my father the white male socialist who often fails to be sympathetic to feminism
Yeah, I've met that guy. Best of luck to you, your mom, and the whole family.

[senmut]

I am sorry things are so emotionally fraught.