no subject

Oh you guys, my grandpa died today. He was 74 and in good health and this morning he cooked breakfast - my grandparents run a B&B - and went out on errands with my gran and then he said he had a headache and he stroked out right there in the car and never regained consciousness. He's on a ventilator now, but mama says he's gone; they'll turn it off tonight, after my aunt gets there.

I don't know what to do or how to feel or what to think. This is so sudden it's hard to believe it. I'm so glad I went home over Christmas. I had this one really great evening with the two of them - I kept them up way past their bedtime drinking wine and telling stories, and it was so good and perfect, and I'm so glad that gets to be my last memory of him. And so sorry, god.

I told my sister that at least we all knew he loved us. There were no last words he didn't get to say, because he said everything he needed to, openly and repeatedly and unconditionally and without shame. I hope, when it's my time, that my loved ones will know how much I loved them, the way that we all know he loved us.