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Man, each time I read Ben Carson's "as a teenager, I would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers" line, it comes out more and more like a Python sketch. "The Pirhana Brothers Take the Presidency."
"Vince: After that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologize and we'd shake hands and then he'd nail my head to the floor.
Interviewer: Every Sunday?
Vince: Yeah but he was very reasonable. Once, one Sunday, when my parents were coming round for tea I asked him if he'd mind very much not nailing my head to the floor that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand."
"Vince: After that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologize and we'd shake hands and then he'd nail my head to the floor.
Interviewer: Every Sunday?
Vince: Yeah but he was very reasonable. Once, one Sunday, when my parents were coming round for tea I asked him if he'd mind very much not nailing my head to the floor that week and he agreed and just screwed my pelvis to a cake stand."