I think we have to keep a line between theory of survival and theory of liberation here. BC the other thing that is true - that we see in action in media fandom, frex - is that we all have to make our own erotic and affective compromises with patriarchy in order to get through. But there's something HARMFUL about what happens when those compromised get confused with the end result we seek. If I ask myself what glamor looks like in the post-patriarchy utopia, it CAN"T look like what Mock is describing, bc that's glamor as fundamentally defensive, and post-liberation there wouldn't be a need. but Janelle Monae at the Met Ball might still be on the table! tho minus the stilettos; high heels are a tool of the patriarchy absolutely no question they are BANNED from all utopias of my imagination.

as far as where your "can't do this" line is - I think it's got to be based mostly on YOU & your needs and safety. ime there's a point that it isn't safe to go beyond, where staying in becomes self-betrayal, and I at least am not good at using a system I'm not fully behind.