Buffy/Xander is wrong in every way that it's possible for a ship to be wrong. Just, just, no. Eurgh.
Anya's post-Xander arc also makes me sad, because I don't think they can figure out what to do with her, and it does come off as ickily moralizing. Xander himself get great development in those last seasons; Anya just gets dead. Bad form, show.
But, yeah, the YOU HAD SEX WITH SPIKE HOMG thing fits his pattern - he doesn't want her, but nobody else can get close either because she's his, damnit! Which is totally gross, and I really wish the narrative had smacked him down over it.
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Anya's post-Xander arc also makes me sad, because I don't think they can figure out what to do with her, and it does come off as ickily moralizing. Xander himself get great development in those last seasons; Anya just gets dead. Bad form, show.
But, yeah, the YOU HAD SEX WITH SPIKE HOMG thing fits his pattern - he doesn't want her, but nobody else can get close either because she's his, damnit! Which is totally gross, and I really wish the narrative had smacked him down over it.