lotesse: (starwars)
There's a strangely suspended quality to my interaction with post-TFA Star Wars fandom. Like - I appreciate Adam Driver's faaace right after Kylo Ren finishes his patricide, in an aesthetical sort of way, but I don't connect the father he's killed at all to Han Solo. Because I really can't figure out how Han Solo would be in that position, or Luke, or Leia. It's like - in my head, Kylo is killing this very abstract idea of "The Father," because there's a big Somebody Else's Problem field covering over Han's face and obscuring the specificity of his identity.
lotesse: (starwars)
people who have read TFA tie-in materials: do we get any indications about which of the OT secrets have been told, and to whom? Mostly, I'd like to know a. who knows that Luke and Leia are sibs, and b. who knows that they're the children of Darth Vader. Am attempting fic; need to know these sorts of things, and the film itself is completely silent on both subjects.
lotesse: (starwars)
I made both of these vids a good while ago, when I was still in the heat of my first fling with vidding - and then didn't post them when my sense of shame got the better of me for a bit, and I had some struggle with putting up work. Yuletide's got me nerved back up again rn, though, as have some lovely comments I've gotten on Star Wars vids since TFA dropped, and I'm going to see if I can manage to put out some of my backlog. So - have some retro cutie Harrison Ford & company.

title: Maneater
fandom: Raiders of the Lost Ark
music: Dessa
length: 3:20
summary: Marion Ravenwood character study, Indy/Marion pairing; Marion Ravenwood is a bossed up bitch with teeth and hunger and a past
download: 26.38 mb from Sendspace, 60.86 mb from Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )

title: Real Love
fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
music: The Beatles feat. posthumous John Lennon
length: 3:47
summary: shipping all the legs of the triad - Luke/Leia, Han/Luke, Han/Leia, OT3-ing it
download: 30.83 mb at Sendspace, 61.29 mb at Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )
lotesse: (hmmm)
I'm bummin about TFA. lots of spoilers. )
lotesse: (tony)
[personal profile] anghraine tagged me on tumblr - fifteen things that are making me happy right now:
1. winter is far from over; I have a solid three months of snow left to look forward to
2. the myth-type of Persephone, the rape victim married to her rapist, given a cold power by her trauma and her survival but also fundamentally connected with the renewal of spring. she gets stronger and more dangerous by breaking, and i'm connecting with that
3. soft-aesthetic photos of black men with flowerbeards
4. Jim Kirk's face
5. Lip Gallagher's face
6. Mandy Milkovich's dyejob - so cute! and Debbie's haircut
7. I got to see my best friend and not!sister this week when she came home for her mother's 60th birthday
8. I'm no longer involved in any way shape or form with my ex's endless hopeless drama
9. Jim Kirk genderswaps
10. William Shatner genderswapped is kind of what I look like, except for the eye color
11. Marvel 616 Civil War fix-it fic
12. Cara Loup recently uploaded a bunch of her zine-era Han/Luke to the AO3, and it's glorious - and also imo it's cool to spend time in a SW universe where the PT hadn't been made yet and see what people were doing.
13. Anna ([personal profile] starry_diadem) is publishing some of her amazing Battlestar Galactica 1978 fic as with the serial numbers filed off; her worldbuilding work is tremendous, and also I tracked her down a few years ago after a long break from the fandom by recognizing her very distinctive use of the word "gauche" in fic even after she'd changed pseuds, of which I am unreasonably proud.
14. the water-soluble wax pastels are awesome for coloring my mandalas
15. girl you know i listened to the ESB radio serial again the other night and it is some hot shit; no one else can act at all, but Mark Hamill is there, and he goes pretty hard. the exaggerated-noises style that radio dramas always do work really nicely with the film's plotlines; lots of moaning and heavy breathing and whimpering from Luke, it's all very exciting. also they do the Hoth scene that fanwriters always tackle, with Han and Luke overnight in the shelter. they found the worst voice in the world for Vader tho, which is kind of a problem
lotesse: (starmap)
ohhh wow I just had an epiphany about my thing with Star Wars. I was rewatching ESB - it's cool if you start the movie at about the 50-minute mark, which is when Han and Leia are kissing and Vader is discovering that he has a son - and feeling even more impatient with Yoda than usual. Maybe because I'd just been reading afrofuturist theory, but for the first time his chastisement of Luke's looking toward the future rang hollow to me.

Here's the thing: the "philosophical" stuff the Jedi characters say? is what my fucking father is all about. even down to the memetic genealogy of it, the vague eastern spiritualism via white male 60s counterculture. It's what I was brought up to, what I still fundamentally believe but am intent on rebelling against. Daddy chastises me for including anger in my politics, coming from a white-buddhism valuation of peace and inner quiet - and I hear that, I do, but I also hear Audre Lorde enumerating the uses of anger, and her voice is louder to me and more beautiful. After all, dad's also always chastised me for my focus on women's issues; I know that I can't trust him to be my strong ally all the way down. He has his limits.

Why shouldn't Luke Skywalker look to the future? Yoda sounds like Owen Lars. We build a better future than our current shitty present by dreaming it first. And Leia pretty gloriously uses her anger to fuel her rebellion, and I have a problem with anyone who has a problem with that. (i mean tbh i agree with yoda's concern-trolling about luke being reckless, but on reflection i lack confidence that yoda shares my reasons: i worry about bb being a little suicidal, but yoda was planning on eventually sending luke off to commit patricide, i'm not sure his mental health is the guy's first priority.)
lotesse: (starwars)
I foresee a strong need for these arguments in the future, as nerd engagement with the new Star Wars movie ramps up: why it's not okay to bag on Carrie Fisher about her weight )
lotesse: (starwars)
Okay, is there a novelization somewhere that parses the tactical situation at the beginning of Return of the Jedi? Cuz - you have Luke insinuating the droids into Jabba's household, which seems to work out well, Jabba never actually catches on to that part, but then again what's up with R2 having Luke's lightsaber by the time you get to the execution scene, did he have it all along or did Luke somehow plant it? Lando's in there too, and seems to be working in tandem with Leia - but how much are they working with Luke? Leia and Lando clearly thought they were going to be able to sneak Han out without getting caught - and how does Jabba get the jump on them, anyway? - so Luke shouldn't have been planning on coming in at all; I always did get the impression that his entry onto the scene was a last-hope kind of deal, when everything's gone wrong Luke comes swooping in. Leia's surprised to see him; did she tell him what she and Lando were doing, or did he only find out once it all went to hell?

The reading that I like best, I think, is the one where the right and left hands are having some trouble communicating with each other - as we know they are, Luke is sitting on some major secrets, there's got to be some tension there, even in that last scene from ESB they're sweet together but there's also this closed-offness to them, a distance; compare the deleted scene from earlier in that film, in the medical center on Hoth, where they're warm and light and shiny with each other.

So. Luke suggests planting the droids as part of a long-span information-gathering project, and Leia knows they're there; but she and Lando, impatient, try to pull their con before the intelligence situation is completely clear, and so are unprepared to evade Jabba's internal spynet, leading to the disastrous expose of their attempt. Chewie's been assigned to the Princess, of course, so he's not an independent factor. Whatever communication system Luke has with - presumably R2? - informs him that his sister's gone and gotten herself sex-enslaved, he should maybe do something about that. I think he must plant his saber on R2 when he goes in, as a sensible precaution; of all of them, Luke the Tatooinian would be the least likely to underestimate the extent of Jabba's power and paranoia. Only I can't think when he could have done it. He's unarmed by the time he's fighting the Rancor, but it seems nonsensical that he would have given R2 his Jedi weapon all the way back when he sent the droids to Jabba's palace, especially if he didn't have concrete, immediate plans to go in himself.

If we could understand Chewie it would help - does he tell Han, down in Jabba's cells, that it's all right because Luke's part of the plan, getting caught is just a minor setback? or does he say that Luke's still out there, he's a Jedi Knight now you know, I'm sure he'll come for us when he finds out?

Either way, one of the things that I really like about Leia's bit with the thermal detonator is that it doesn't seem like girls get to pull those kinds of fucked up heroics that often. The droid stuff and the janked music conceal it a bit, but they're a pretty fucked up set by that point: Leia's suicide bombing and Luke's doing Force chokes with a wave of a finger. I have no doubt that the detonator was real, and that she really would have blown them all to hell if she'd been pushed to it. Girl ain't bluffing.
lotesse: (prydain_ship)
I've been trying to get my fanwriting mojo back, and, well - I have these two massive projects that I've been carrying around for a while now, and I'd like to see them come to something before starting up anything else sizeable. So I'm looking for betas, cheerleaders, interlocutors, whatever - people who would be interested in reading one of these two works in progress. Chat in comments here would be great - even having a strong sense that the pieces have an audience would be motivational, but if any of y'all are interested I would also love to take it to email.

(And there's also the potential that I might weird out a little; asking for interaction and particularly for help is really really hard for me, and I get spooked and shy and disconnect. So, um, patience for the socially awkward?)

Star Wars original trilogy: the one with the truth drugs )

Chronicles of Prydain: the one that writes past the ending )
lotesse: (btvs_wishverse)
I was Away From The Internet over the weekend, because driving, and I have to say - I know it's bad to feel gleeful about others' breakdowns, but I am feeling really vindicated by fake male feminist Hugo Schwyzer losing it all over Twitter over the weekend. Partially because Hugo's actually perceptive enough to lay out some of the toxic shit that drives manipulative men, but mostly I think because my Ex left me with a lot of anger about faux-feminist men who manipulate women with redemption narratives.

I had a troubling thought a while back, that I've been turning over and over and trying to figure out what to do about. I've always said that the thing that I like best about Luke Skywalker as a character is the way he wins by practicing nonviolence and nonjudgmental love: he won't kill Vader because he loves him, no matter what, and in the face of that childlike unconditional trust Vader can't hold on to hate or bitterness and the dark side of the Force loses its hold on him, allowing him to die as Anakin, the father to a good son. I always sort of thought of it as being like Gandhian satyagraha, truth-force, confronting the enemy with their own violence and cruelty by accepting it without fighting back and giving violence the pretext to continue; it was a way for me to bring Star Wars, which as Joanna Russ points out has some nasty business what with the One Girl in All The World and the Honky Savior stuff and the thing where the end of ANH is modeled after Nazi propaganda, back in to line with my own personal ethics.

But, the thing is, I'm pretty much having to rethink a lot of my ideas about passive resistance, because truth-force didn't save me from my Ex. Like Hugo, he could take talk of truth and make it immaterial to the real power struggle: most of what Hugo wrote was pretty decent pop-feminist stuff, but it was only the vehicle for the very sexist drama of "Hugo and The Women."

cut for length and personal stuff about working through abuse; manipulation and suicide triggers )
lotesse: (greenswirl)
More hair than she needs (517 words) by lotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Tangled (2010), The Color Purple - Alice Walker, Star Trek: Voyager, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Celie/Shug Avery
Characters: Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe, Rapunzel (Tangled), Rapunzel's Mother, Shug Avery, Celie (The Color Purple), Kathryn Janeway, Leia Organa, Mon Mothma, Diana Barry
Additional Tags: Hair, Femininity, Self-Determination, Female Character of Color, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Feminist Themes, Drabble Collection, Bechdel Test Pass, 5 Things, Female Friendship
Summary:

Five female characters who cut their hair, and one who didn't.

lotesse: (starwars_spaceopera)
title: A long time ago in a galaxy
fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
music: Ingrid Michaelson
length: 2:31
summary: making movies, making magic: a loveletter to all the wonderful dedicated creative artists who came together to make the original Star Wars trilogy a thing of beauty and joy forever
download: 49.69 MB at Sendspace, 20.93 MB at Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )

May the fourth be with you!
lotesse: (starwars_reallove)
I didn't entirely mean to make three of these - I started with a remaster of the Luke-centric vid that was the first thing I ever made, and that only got uploaded behind lock, but then there was all this footage that I wanted to use and I love the visuals of the OT almost as much as I love the characterization and then I realized that I could do a trilogy to Regina Spektor songs. So that is what I did. I'm listing these in the order that I made them, because they kind of served as a vidding journeyman project - although I'd still really appreciate concrit and vidding tips!

the one where being everyone's messiah is actually kind of rubbish:
title: human of the year
fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
music: Regina Spektor
length: 4:07
summary: {Luke character study} hello, hello, calling a Luke Skywalker to the front of the cathedral, you have won
download: 61.95 MB at Sendspace, 30.71 MB at Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )

the one where Leia Organa is more badass than you
title: all the rowboats
fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
music: Regina Spektor
length: 3:07
summary: {Leia character study} see them hanging in their gold frames for forever and a day
download: 64.70 MB at Sendspace, 25.96 MB at Sendspace
streaming behind the cut )

the one where Han Solo is a total softy
title: firewood
fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
music: Regina Spektor
length: 3:16
summary: {Han character study} everyone knows you're going to stay, so you might as well start trying
download: 52.10 MB at Sendspace, 26.80 MB at Sendspace

streaming behind the cut )
lotesse: (imaginary)
meme from [personal profile] ilthit, because I'm trying to freaking finish some of these: The game is to find the word “look” in your current work in progress, and post an excerpt from that section of the manuscript.

Star Wars )

more Star Wars )

Vorkosigan Saga )

Avengers )
lotesse: (starwars_spaceopera)
Oh god if Lawrence Kasdan writes another Star Wars movie I will be the most perfectly happy fangirl in the galaxy. Oh god oh god oh god SO MUCH DO WANT THIS IS GLORY BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS. KAAAAAASDAAAAAN!!!!11!
lotesse: (starwars_twins)
Friday = podfic!

[Podfic] A bed of daysided gold (18 words) by faviconlotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Rating: Explicit
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo
Characters: Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo
Summary:

podfic of A bed of daysided gold, written and read by lotesse, 30:27



[Podfic] Jane Eyre Has a Posse (19 words) by faviconlotesse
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Jane Austen's Fight Club, AUSTEN Jane - Works, Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Jane Eyre, Marianne Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Bertha Mason, Blanche Ingram, Shirley Keeldar, Emma Woodhouse, Catherine Earnshaw, Fanny Price
Summary:

podfic of Jane Eyre Has a Posse, written by bow and read by lotesse, 23:01

lotesse: (httyd_hiccup)
I voted absentee weeks ago, so all I've got left to do now is sit and wait and try not to think about it. last-minute psa'd my students yesterday on where/how to vote. God, y'all, everyone keeps talking about voter fraud and recounts and I'm not sure we can do another 2000 right now.

So here are other things I'm thinking about that are more fannish and less anxious and more fun:

- over the course of grading midterm papers, I've managed to rewatch both seasons of Shameless US, and holy shit y'all I love this show. I want the new seeeeeasooooon, but it won't be around until January, bloody hellcakes. This show hits all of my "siblings on their own form pseudofamily" kinks - yes I did really like the Boxcar Children, and holy balls I would read porn of that in a hot minute, come on, someone's got to have at least shipped the older sibs. Except that Shameless also has (relatively) realistic poverty and some race/gender/sexual diversity, and passes the Bechdel test and also contains some not-half-bad sex scenes. And Fiona's hair gets dirty and Lip is awesome with his smartkid rage and Debbiiiiieee is my favorite and Kev reminds me of every older dude I grew up with back home.

- listening to an audiobook of Shadows of the Empire - there's no frelling podfic in this fandom, I'm reduced to EU recordings and the old radio serials if I want audio engagement - and I've got to say, if Dash Rendar was a real thing that really happened, oh my god Luke had so much angsty self-loathing sex with him between ESB and RotJ. Of course, Dash Rendar probably wasn't a real thing that really happened, because he's an example of the same storytelling tactic that frustrated me so much in Captain America: a regular character (Han, Tony) are unavailable to the narrative, for whatever reason, so the writers create a knockoff character (Rendar, Howard) so that they can keep working with familiar dynamics. But 1. that undersells the impact of the character's absence and 2. creates these kind of boring cardboard cutout fake surrogate characters.

-(Marvel tangent: because Howard Stark isn't supposed to be that much like Tony, guys. Tony's flash and flip are the defense mechanisms you develop when you grow up in the spotlight, when you're the inheritor of something and everyone keeps looking to you and you don't quite know how to deal with that kind of pressure. Howard seems like a much more "self-made man" archetype, all gravitas and teeth, the guy who went out and built himself a fortune and made himself get kind of cold in the process. CA!Howard Stark is one of the hardest things in the MCU for me to wrap my head around, because the archetypes just don't make sense that way.)
lotesse: (shakespeare_tempest)
I'm writing! I'm writing! I'm not writing my yuletide assignment - which I'm excited about in sort of a warm quiet way, because I think it's going to come out a warm quiet story that might not change the world but will make me & hopefully my recip warm and happy - or either of the other two projects I'm maybe doing for other yuletide folks. No, I'm finally writing on the Star Wars OT truthdrugs story I started the same month as A bed of daysided gold, but that keeps getting bigger and more intense on me. (not, sadly, faster and more intense. slower. slower and more intense.) I think I've maybe figured out some of the overall thematic unities of the story, which is really good information to have, but a lot of what I've been doing today is going back and getting myself out of the bottlenecks I'd got myself into when I was blundering around in the trope-infested dark. At 10k+ right now, finish line not yet in sight.

here are some other bits of fannish stuff and/or linkspammage:
- dept of Tony Stark + robots. Did you know that DUM-E starred in his very own GM commercial before becoming a prop on Iron Man? (this might be a thing that everyone's seen but me, but I'd never seen it so I thought I'd share. um, warnings for sad robots/implied robot suicide? DUM-E is not doing so well.)

- in other Tony Stark + robots news, apparently the sound effects for Tony's babies are drawn from ILM's sound library - which was largely compiled by Ben Burtt for the original Star Wars trilogy. Which pretty much explains their lovability factor in my book - Burtt is a god among men.

- Nick Mamatas defends genre fiction against all the snobbery the New Yorker can bring to bear.

- the best parts of this discussion of Narnia and divine justice over at [livejournal.com profile] cartesiandaemon's is the stuff in the comments about the nature of a certain kind of fantasy: "Where riding for weeks and weeks of wilderness only to find a knight guarding a bridge with no shelter and certainly no way of getting food, and no suggestion of what he does the three hundred and sixty-four days a year that someone isn't trying to cross his bridge, is just the kind of thing that happens, because the idea that the world should make coherent sense is just inconceivable and what is important is that there are two knights and a bridge and one of them is going to have to give way. Oh, and a barefoot maiden might just happen to come along in the middle of the fight too to point out that the knights are in fact brothers, despite that the nearest village is weeks of hard ride away so where was she hiding, eh?" Includes interesting stuff on Star Wars as well.

- and also here, have a link to a lovely essay on self-care from Elise Nagy: "It’s difficult to practice self care without slipping into a self-interrogation about complacency, about whether you deserve this care or are just coddling yourself, about whether giving yourself credit for something so basic—taking care of yourself—really makes you a more broken and less competent human being. (People make it through author’s talks in crowded theatres every day without needing to take a time out, people go grocery shopping every day without making it into some huge meaningful deal, people go through much worse, people would love to have the problems you have, the voice says.)" Because we've got a hurricane and an election and a Disney buyout, people, ish is pretty intense right now.
lotesse: (starwars_OT3)
This morning my chiropractor wonked my neck, picked up my left hand, and said that my fingernails were blue. They were. My oxygen sat was 95%. So today I'm trying to breathe more and keep things chill, because apparently I've been revving so hard that I've actually been depriving myself of air. I'm doing okay. Just a little bit of panic and overload. Karl Rove is on campus today, and even though I've got choir practice to prevent me actually hearing any of his bullshit I can feel the shadowy edges of his presence like a pall over the land. Blecch.

I watched Men in Black III last night, which was surprisingly awesome. How did I not know that Emma Thompson had taken over MiB HQ? There is nothing not fab about that. And as usual the broyay was strong, and the timetravel plotline was satisfyingly fanservicey. Stuff like this is why I love science fiction, y'all - because realism is never going to get you to that one where you meet your baby back in time and they don't know you but you still love them crazy hard. And that's one of the best ones there is.

Because I'm writing Star Wars fic today, have 4+ minutes of Mark Hamill auditioning - reading against Harrison Ford, of course. That right there is why I give like 75% of the credit for the OT to the actors - the rest goes to Frank McQuarrie, Frank Oz, Ben Burtt, and Bob Anderson.

video embedded behind the cut )
lotesse: (fairytale_goldenbird)
{tred tired semester teaching exam list argh} - so pretty much the usual. Except I'm pretty sure that when George Gissing told me that "there are half a million more women than men in this happy country of ours," i.e. Victorian Britain, he was either wrong, lying, or doing some really weird shit with population statistics. Because. That can't possibly be true.

And, for a change, I am writing words that are fictiony! Which is making me so, so, so happy. And, yanno, maybe someday I'll even finish a fic and I can do that thing I used to do where I posted the words on the internet and people read them. In the meantime, meme! Ganked from everywhere, idek:

Pick a number and I'll answer the question.

1 - Your current OTP
2 - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind
3 - A pairing you have never liked and probably never will
4 - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t
5 - Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what
6 - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom
7 - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it
8 - Do you prefer characters from real action series or anime series
9 - Has the internet caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why
10 - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr [let's substitute LJ here for a more meaningful question in my case]
11 - How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom
12 - Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for
13 - Your favorite fanart or fanartist
14 - Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor
15 - Choose a song at random, which OTP does it remind you of
16 - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)
17 - A ship you’ve abandoned and why
18 - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships
19 - Show us an example of your personal headcanon
20 - Do you remember what your first fanwork was?
21 - Self-rec: What's your favorite fanwork you've created?
22 - Are you one of those fans who can’t watch anything without shipping
23 - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms
24 - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
25 - A fandom you’re in but have no ships from
26 - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go

daughter of the sea, oregano's first cousin

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