lotesse: (Default)
meme responses: stuff about Dollhouse, Star Trek, and Narnia )

Also, I want to link to Ana Mardoll's piece at Shakesville on the acquittal of Ezekiel Gilbert for Lenora Ivie Frago's murder, because this is one of those cases I want to point to whenever people (so often in the form of my undergraduate students) assert that we've changed since the (inevitably indefinable) Bad Old Days. It's an impulse that I find really frustrating, because it makes me not want to celebrate our successes, knowing that any mention I make of victory will be taken as a total declaration of the end of the war.

eta: also I passed the graduate Spanish test-out I took yesterday! Which is awesome, because it means I don't have to take HISP 492 for the rest of the summer, and have both the foreign language requirements for my degree covered. Which means that as soon as I defend my prospectus, I'll be ABD. I am chilling out today, but this weekend is going to be for writing; I think I have most of my prospectus worked out mentally, but I need to just sort of pound out the words.
lotesse: (firefly_wordsweremissing)
Welp, guys, my qualifying exam is in five days. My head feels weird. I think maybe I wish it was tomorrow, so I could let off a little on the anxiety management. Right now I'm living in anticipation of how good Wednesday afternoon is going to feel, when all this pressure lets off and I can just. Chill.

I think maybe I've been living from crisis to crisis for a little too long now; I'm distressed by just how often my default feeling about the world is fear. I keep waiting for the next blow to fall, I guess. I'd so much love to get back to feeling on top of my shit, in control of my life, even just a little. And I have all these cool ideas for stuff to do, but I just - five days. Work hard for five more days, and then freedom highday highday freedom, yeah?
lotesse: (narnia_lucy)
JFC so much work. Drowning in words send help and/or gifs.

All of these things come due next week:
-exam list. With alllll kinds of internally inconsistent input from the members of my committee.
-teaching proposal for the dirt discourses class. Am debating whether Nella Larsen is too long, whether I should add a scene from Boucicault's "The Octoroon" for lulz, or if Victorian melodrama humor is one of those things that does not translate to people outside of the field.
-portfolio for teaching award. Seriously, uni, if you want to give me awards that's great and everything, but I do not appreciate them coming with extra work attached in order to even compete.
-trial assignment for a summer freelance position with Thomas Riggs: a 1,000 word bio of Anne Wharton, who I'd never heard of but seems way cool.
-grading, eternally.

I miss having time to do research. And it's like 80 degrees out so I don't even have a brain right now. I just wanna listen to Tom McRae forever.
lotesse: (greenswirl)
Okay, that's one term paper (the review of literature on masturbation/fantasy) away! Now there's only the seminar paper on Jude the Obscure and The Beth Book left. And I should be working on it right now - but all I really want to do is listen to rhea314's podfic of [personal profile] lightgetsin and [personal profile] sahiya's Miles/Gregor novel What Passing Bells and play solitaire.
lotesse: (prydain_eilonwyredgold)
- cohort meeting next week, not today. Plus side: I got in an extra walk?

- preliminary connection spotted between Adam Bede and Tess of the D'Urbervilles - no, not unwed mothership. Further notes, if any, to follow.

- total reshuffling of comp syllabus: in progress. Lots of work, but ultimately lovely & freeing - it turns out that I took instruction on this project a little too well, and focused so hard on the "composition" part and the "not overpoliticizing" part and the "not having a thesis" part that I policed myself out of a strong conceptual structure.

And I've got 14,000 words on my [community profile] ladiesbigbang fic - not that it's done yet! Wordcounts and plots do not seem to be matching in this case. Sigh. If I could go back to writing short fic, maybe I'd post stuff sometimes! As is, I'm writing up a storm over here, but since stuff just keeps on branching ...
lotesse: (beauty)
So this summer I am learning ALL THE FRENCH. This whole picking up totally new languages at the graduate level lark is pretty fun - at first I meant that to be sarcasm, but then I thought about it for a minute and realized that it actually is. I'm just snarly because I have an exam tomorrow, and it's the first one of the course so I'm paranoid. But I really do like languages, translation in particular. It's fun watching the words transform from meaninglessness into something comprehensible. At prisint we're translating bits from a dumbed-down Count of Monte Cristo, so that's v. fun and melodramatic. Our hero has just exhausted the resources represented by humanity, and turned his face toward god.

AND! Quantum Leap, we've been watching it. Adorable stupid occasionally-misguided sometimes-just-faily 90s liberalism! With a heart of gold, and frequent objectification of Dr. Sam Beckett, who has a really cute butt. I failed to notice, when I first watched this show as a teenager, just how cute his butt actually is. I did not, safe to say, fail to notice the truly MASSIVE AMOUNTS of gender & sexuality play. Relatively satisfying gender & sexuality play, at that! I cannot think of the last time I saw such happy, shame-free transvestism in broadcast media - and I can't name even one case of canon (semi)mpreg that was even half as enthusiastic.

... sometimes I miss the 90s. Or - well, I wasn't really old enough for the 90s. It might be more accurate to say that I sometimes wish I'd been almost-twenty-five in the 90s, instead of being a backwoods brat with no tv.

eta: apparently I'm being spammed - bot!comments springing up all over - so I've disabled anon commenting for a while.
lotesse: (academia)
So I was sure when I got a snotty email in my inbox, sent from one of my professors to the entire class, banging on about the use of "they" as a generic pronoun rather than "he," and calling the entire thing a grammatical error - the best part was when he lamented that soon the war would be "lost," and we wouldn't be able to enforce patriarchy on our own students - that if I was not the main target I was at least included. I'm the most vocal feminist in the class, certainly. And so I was sure that I'd be marked down, and I was sort of bracing myself to write letters and possibly contest the grade if that bit of sexist pedantry was my only sin - and then I opened my grades, and the bastard gave me an A. He never gives As! Sir, I'm confused.
lotesse: (writing_curve)
Self,

this whole thing about having your final seminar paper all planned out would carry much more weight if you would actually, yanno, write said paper instead of being fragile and weemo in its general direction.

Though the fact that it has actually literally been raining for A WEEK does kind of explain your current lack of mojo.

Come on, kid, let's blow this thing and go home. Or, um, stay in Indiana for the summer and learn French. You know.

Your Obedient Servant,
Me.
lotesse: (books_rereading)
Rereading Barthes always makes me feel better.
lotesse: (academia)
Christ why will this paper not end?! I keep writing - and it keeps getting bigger. Am now over minimum page length, nearing maximum, and I still have waaaay to many notecards left unincorporated.

... I think I may have over-researched. Curse Ivanhoe anyway, for having both Jews and Saracens. How can I write about one and leave out the other?! But on the other hand, I want to be done with this asdaklsjf paper.
lotesse: (woolf_virginia)
I had an epiphany today: I can deal with the concept of modernism if I connect it to the increasing naming of names with regard to gender, sexuality, and the psyche. I've always found myself allergic to the concept in the past - mainly because it was always explained to me from a very masculinist "oh noes the world be changing I don leik it!" perspective. But if I think of Havelock Ellis and all that lot as a turning point in modernity - that, I can get on board with. I'm glad to have figured this out - it will make my upcoming reading course on sex and gender in modernity progress much more smoothly.

The Uni bookstore ran out of my undergrads' required readings, so .pdfing ahoy tomorrow. And nearly all of the central campus printers appear to have broken at once. I feel bad for the kids - and I hope they don't use it as an excuse to not hand assignments in or do the reading.

Also, I seem to have fallen into Remus/Sirius (Three Year Summer style), and I can't get up. So I would totally take recs! /hint hint
lotesse: (holmes_secrets)
Am having unhappy handwaving at all the scholarship that casts Sherlock Holmes as the Kyriarchal Avenger. Not saying ACD didn't have The Problems with race/class/gender, not to mention the weird imperial Issues, but still! Holmes can be on the side of the angels, damn it!

Sulking now. And then finishing writing up my rebuttals for the purposes of this dratted paper.

eta: yo, in formal writing, is is Doyle or Conan Doyle? I somehow think the latter, but I just realized that I don't really have a justification for that, and that I should probably know what I'm doing for real here.
lotesse: (btvs_womanwarrior)
I've been turning thoughts over in my head about the integration of chromatic feminist theory/writing into other work, and I wanted to hear all your thoughts, o people of the interwebs, for verily y'all are smart.

In writing about an Old Book by a white woman, I wouldn't hesitate methodologically to bring up some contemporary feminist theory. I mean, if it were very contemporary, primarily concerned with our current world, I'd maybe have to tapdance a little - but I would still do it. Right? We've all been swanning around applying Judith Butler to George Eliot for a while now. But what if the theory that I want to nudge up against Old Books by white women is Black feminist work? Is it sound to apply Cherrie Moraga to the critique of education in Jane Eyre? Or does it disrespect chromatic feminism to appropriate it for the tales of the travails of white girls?

On the one hand, I love seeing Audre Lorde get play, because I seriously worship her brain, and part of me doesn't want her stuck in a feminist ghetto. Part of me feels like the flexibility and play involved in porting theory about is a good thing. But I also have no desire to steal away from chromatic feminism what isn't mine to take - or my cultural heritage's. Both Eliot and Brontë have some racism going on; would using minority feminism to talk about the other aspects of their novels be deeply inappropriate, or kind of a cool re-valuation?

Right now I'm working up a prospectus for looking at double-voiced irony in women's rhetoric. When I actually write the paper, it'll probably focus on white women in the nineteenth century, because I did sign on for this Victorian thing and I've been trying to make myself stick to it, no matter how much I want to write about Cherrie Moraga and Sor Juana. But in limiting my scope, I'm wondering, do I have to give up all the unspeakably brilliant things feminists of color have said about silence and double meaning? Or can I port them in the same way I'm intending to do with LeGuin and Adrienne Rich and Virginia Woolf?

Thoughts?
lotesse: (woolf_virginia)
Well, it's taken me a while, but I've finally found Elaine Showalter. How did I miss this frood?! She's pretty hoopy. A little kink-shy, a little essentialist, but no more so than any 80s-early 90s white feminist criticism.

Old-school girl-style academic crit, Victorianist edition. Just finished Sexual Anarchy, and I'mma have to go back to the library for more soonish here. When I get through the rest of my reading.

I was thinking, a couple days ago, how when I was a little girl I never had enough to read. My life was a perpetual quest for text: libraries, book lists, curricula, reading programs. There was never enough to last as long as I needed it to. How I wish that I could somehow outsource some of my current stacks to that little girl - she would've liked them more than I do! Always feast or famine, I suppose.

urk.

22 Nov 2009 07:33 pm
lotesse: (academia)
I think I'm going to have to just finish these term papers. I've got 2-3 weeks till they're due, but they're driving me crazy with anxiety, and I think I'm going to try to just pound them out and then be done with it. I'll be more sane!

Term Papers: It's What's For Thanksgiving Dinner?
lotesse: (stargate - a singer must die)
Is it bad that Said's "Orientalism" is mainly making me think about Stargate SG1?
lotesse: (samndean)
So I have a final book list for my Gender & Spec Fic course:

Ursula K. LeGuin, The Dispossessed
Octavia Butler, Parable of the Sower
Marge Piercy, Woman at the Edge of Time
Starhawk, The Fifth Sacred Thing
Tamora Pierce, In The Hand of the Goddess
Ursula K. LeGuin, Tehanu
Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad
Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber


Plus stories/essays by Johanna Russ, Kameron Hurley, Carol Clover, Gilbert & Gubar, and a showing of Firefly, plus a handful of blog entries to keep us modern/edgy. O yeah.

Started watching Farscape last night, from the beginning. Man, this show is weird. But then again, Claudia Black is hot like fire.

Is it bad that I'm more excited for House Season Five than I am for Supernatural Four? It's just that House is in this great shiny place with all these possibilities, and Supernatural is stuck in this plotline that I really don't like. All the tropes and relationships and arcs that I really liked have faded away - I want Sammy to keep being the emo little brother with troubling mindpowers, and Dean to keep being the rebellious child-parent with daddy issues who figures his own self-worth through his brother. and the show keeps taking them farther and farther from that.
lotesse: (Default)
as of this afternoon, I'm the possessor of an official Bachelor's degree. I graduated magna, with college honors in English Literature, and I hope never to be as hot again as I was in that bloody polyester robe in the baking, muggy heat. Also, my hat was deeply dorky. There has to be a better way to design these things.
lotesse: (writing_curve)
I love Marion Ravenwood. That is all.

p.s. no it isn't. my thesis defence is tomorrow morning. pray for my soul, gods of academia. at least we're in gemini now - the mercurial influences will help.
lotesse: (academia)
Oh lord. Just spent eight hours editing, proofreading, and formatting my manuscript. Turns out I have nine sections, when I thought I had ten (whoops), and also that I totally mistyped "public hair" for "pubic hair." I suppose that if I stopped doing scholarship on sex I wouldn't have the latter problem, although I don't think any force in the world could induce me to count properly. Not a math major for a good reason.



34580 / 30000 words. 115% done!

I think I will go watch silly tv now.

*

daughter of the sea, oregano's first cousin

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